Why Don't You ...

Fashion fans will fondly remember the glorious Diana Vreeland and if you don't let me introduce you to her. She was the editor of Harper's Bazaar (1936-1962)  for 26 years and after looking at the Kim and Kanye cover this month words cannot express how much I miss her! She also worked for VOGUE and the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I can't wait to explore the colorful career of Mrs. Vreeland in a future post. 

Not only was she at the helm of the most creative and cutting edge fashion publication at the time but she also wrote a monthly column called "Why Don't You" ... Giving readers fabulous and creative suggestions to enhance and brighten their every day life,  such as these as seen in  the March 1958 / February 1959 issue.

- Paint a map of the world on all four walls of your boys' nursery so they won't grow up with a provincial point of view?

- Cover a big cork bulletin board in bright pink felt banded with bamboo, and pin with colored thumb-tacks all your various enthusiasms as your life varies from week to week?

- Have every room done up in every color green? This will take months, years, to collect, but it be delightful—a melange of plants, green glass, green porcelains, and furniture covered in sad greens, gay greens, clear, faded and poison greens?

- Have two pairs of day shoes exactly alike, except that one pair has thin rubber soles for damp days? Any cobbler can put these on.

- Find one dress that you like and have it copied many times? You will be much more successful than if you try to produce the same effects each evening.

- Have an elk-hide trunk for the back of your car? Hermes of Paris will make this.

- Put all your dogs in bright yellow collars and leads like all the dogs in Paris?

- Order Schiaparelli's cellophane belt with your name and telephone number on it?

- Tie black tulle bows on your wrists?

- Have your bed made in China—the most beautiful bed imaginable, the head board and spread of yellow satin embroidered in butterflies, alighting and flying, in every size and in exquisite colors?

- Rinse your blond child's hair in dead champagne to keep it gold, as they do in France?

As a form of self love and following an over haul of my boudoir I took a page out of Mrs. Vreeland's play book and posed the question to myself, Why don't you ... have fresh white flowers in your room on a weekly basis? 

So I did just that. Each week since the end of May I have had a different white flower in my room.... just BECAUSE and why not? For a tiny weekly investment (that likely equates to a cup or two of Starbucks coffee) you can treat yourself and all your senses with fresh flowers in your room or home. It doesn't have to be flowers it could be any little thing you can do for yourself to practice self love / self care. A little gesture like this can go a long way.

So the only question remains; Why don't you?

Self Care: An Essential Service

I think the term Self Care should become a part of every humans vocabulary. People often confuse the term "Selfish" with "Self Care". I proudly carve out time for myself with none of "mommy guilt" or worries about being perceived as selfish. To me what is selfish is a person who runs themselves ragged and is a sub par parent, partner or friend. Someone who is so focused on what other's think that they spend all their time trying to live up to someone else's thoughts or the delusion that you have imagined in your head of what people are thinking. I know so many mother's who work so hard but find it difficult to take time to care for themselves and it sadly shows. 

It is my personal belief that if you do not care for yourself all other area's of your life suffer. There are several ways to care for yourself. Take a bath, go for a walk, do yoga, read, spend time with friends, take a nap, exercise, get a hobby, and more. 

When I can, I go to my favorite local spa for a treatment or two. In the beach side town of Cayucos, California is Illuminate Spa Owned and Operated by a gorgeous soul named Naomi. We have had the pleasure of working together for my eBoutique Evolution Vintage but I have also enjoyed several treatments at her lovely day spa. 

Naomi along with her friendly and professional staff have serviced both my husband and I. May I suggest the massage, facial AND the hot steam tent with dry brushing and mud application. Enjoy a complimentary glass of champagne, lavender or lemon water. Truly heaven. These treatment are affordable to all, it's just about prioritizing.  

Naomi Wilkinson -Creator, Lead Massage Therapist And Esthetician shared the following information about her spa and her personal mission.

Our wish is to help you experience radiant health, energy and beauty from the inside - out.  May this be a place for you to feel peaceful, uplifted and inspired to live your best life.  We provide organic beauty, indulgent spa treatments, therapeutic bodywork and a boutique created to illuminate you. Our staff is trained monthly with hands on technique, education and tips to perfect our signature illuminating spa experience. Come and enjoy the art of skin and body care.

We proudly offer; Eminence Organic Skin Care, Airbrush Tanning, Organic Waxing, Full Body Detoxifying Steam Sessions, Massage, Skin Care, Body Treatments, Make Up Services and Lash Extensions.

We invite you to discover the benefits of self love... A soothing massage, indulge in a facial, a customized airbrush tan, or try an incredibly relaxing steam session - it’s so much more than a temporary escape. It is an opportunity to exhale deeply, to relax completely and to nurture a healthier lifestyle.  We are happy to host bridal parties, groups, couples massage or events.  Looking forward to meeting you soon!

Beauty is the illumination of your soul. 

MEET NAOMI

Naomi Wilkinson is locally and internationally trained.  She is a California certified massage therapist and skin care specialist.  With over 1000 hours of massage training and over 14 years of experience working all over the central coast.  As well as an esthetic license with advanced skin care technique training and some Yoga training.  Specializing in Swedish, Deep Tissue, Shiatsu, Thai, Lomi Lomi, Ayurvedic treatments, Reflexology, Esalen, Prenatal & Spa treatments.  

Each session is a unique blend of east and west that is intuitive and sculpts the body with love.  She hopes to enhance the health and well being of each of her clients and that you will leave illuminated.  Her treatments are magical and therapeutic, you will leave in a blissful bubble of light. 

Naomi offers massage, spa treatments, facials, waxing, lash extensions and custom airbrush tans.

Naomi, is our lead skin and body therapist and personally works with each one of our staff to create an illuminating experience from start to finish. We hold monthly skin and body training to perfect each one of our relaxing and indulgent treatments. All of of wonderful massage therapist's and estheticians have there own style blended with a signature "Illuminate Spa" feel.  We welcome you to try each of our talented staff to find the perfect fit for you!  

Don't take my word for it, take some time for yourself and book a treatment now.

Get an Eminence Pumpkin Peel FREE in October!

Book a 60 or 90 minute Facial in the month of October, mention this deal, and receive a FREE Eminence Pumpkin Peel* Accelerate the exfoliation process with this enzyme peel that removes dead skin cells, reduces the appearance of pigmentation, fine lines and sun damage. This delicious purée of yam and pumpkin leaves skin looking firm, plump and radiant. 

*A $20 value

Self Love: A Solid Foundation

The new year means a clean slate or in Latin a Tabula Rasa. You have a chance to "turn it all around" , start the projects you have always wanted to start and a chance to make the best resolution: Self Love. Self love and a positive self concept creates the solid foundation for everything else in your life.  It seems easy enough, right? In my personal experience it is one of the toughest journeys in life.  Self examination, accountability and brutal honesty, especially about yourself can be very challenging. Acceptance is also a tough one. Don't confuse self care with selfishness. We ALL deserve to be loved, by ourselves first and foremost. But don't expect others to do what you are not prepared to do.  

My friend, actress, author and all around hilarious chick, Kristen Johnson posted about this very thing recently. I wanted to share her insight and experience:

Image: InterviewMag Online

"Someone just wrote me that their New Year's resolution was "No more self-hate. No more wishing I was someone else. This year, I want to learn how to love myself, for the very first time."

Shiver me timbers, I don't think there's ever been a better, more meaningful & truly gorgeous New Years Resolution in the HISTORY of Resolutions.

As someone who's spent an enormous part of her life hating herself, and thankfully no longer does, I wanted to share a few tips that helped me stop my cycle of self-hatred.

(NOTE: If a huge part of your esteem issues is because you're using drugs, booze, sex, food, self-harm, etc.....we both know you gotta navigate that issue first.

and for me, that was a HUGE part of how I felt about myself. But it wasn't everything.)

Here's what people don't realize....you can CHOOSE to love yourself. Even your fat ass or your weird nose or your shyness or sexuality or weight or lisp.

Okay?

Now, if you've got a handle on your addiction, and you still think you suck?

Here are a few tips from a clueless non-professional:

1. No more negative self-talk. 

When you constantly say "I'm such an idiot" or "God, I suck" or "I'm so hideous"....the nightmare is, you begin to believe it. And it begins to become true.

Sometimes I think about how I used to talk to myself. Like, if I forgot my Keys, I would say "You're such a stupid cunt." TO MYSELF. YIKES.

Most people don't even realize they do it.

2. DE-TOXIFY...If you have toxic relationships in your life, get rid of 'em. (Excluding family, I'll address in a second.) 

A healthy relationship should make you feel like the best version of yourself. You should feel safe, not judged & not "less than."

For most of my life, I was addicted to having toxic female friends. If they bullied me, manipulated me, made me feel stupid & ugly, I ADORED THEM.

Especially deeply unhappy, insecure women who were consumed with jealousy (and in one case, flat-out hatred) towards me. I grew used to having "friends" who would gossip about me to people.

Oh, and they adored inserting wedges into my other, healthy relationships by subtly, almost off-handedly, mentioning slanderous lies my friend never said.

I have a feeling this will sound familiar.

You ask "Well what should I DO, Dr. KJo?"

My very lofty, $300-an-hour answer?

END THIS FRIENDSHIP. NOT TOMORROW. An email works.

"After a great deal of thought, I realized that having you in my life is very unhealthy for me. It takes two to tango, and I accept half the blame for this toxic relationship.

I think it's best if we take a break. I wish you nothing but the best in 2013!"

And every email response? DELETE.

3. If you have a toxic family member (and if you don't, what the hell are you even doing on this page? Go! Leave while there's still time!):

Let's say you have a fucked up family member. Lets say this person is addicted to drama, or is a narcissist, or is oh-so-midly fucktarded ?

Someone who, for whatever reason, you have to deal with on a regular basis. This is a person immune to all attempts to honestly address their icki-ness.

If you can't extricate yourself from their life, you can deal with them in a way that won't drive you batty:

(It sounds simple, but believe me, it's not):

YOU can change the way you react to THEM!

It's the only thing you have control over. So, let's say your dad likes to get drunk at family functions & decides to begin telling everyone what a stupid loser you are.

You usually laugh, or cry, or get angry, or drink or use drugs or cut.

Instead, what if you said "Dad, if you say one more negative thing about me, I'll have no choice but to leave."

"Oh, look who thinks she's so high faluuuuu...hey! (burp) where ya goin?"

"Good night everyone! I love you guys, just not dad when he's drunk."

And drive home with a smile, imagining your dad getting all the shit for once.

Or, lets say you have a passive-aggressive mother who hyper-judges you constantly?

Pull back, stop revealing things to her, instead email her once a week cheerful, full of shit, brief little notes.

My point being, you can CHOOSE how someone makes you feel. You CAN have the power back, simply by changing how you navigate things.

These are just a few VERY difficult things I learned.

Hope they help!

Love & kisses in the new year

KJo, M.D.

(Read her book GUTS - paperback edition with new introduction Avail Jan 22)

Who Do You LOVE?

Upon the release today of Kimora Lee Simmons 6th fragrance: LOVE ME it brings up the very important topic of self love. Self love being the foundation for everything in your life; your self esteem, your other relationships and how you conduct yourself in the world. In my experience I feel as women we have issues with taking time for self care and self love. We have big "to do lists" for our daily lives; work, caring for our children (biological, step and/or adopted), taking care of our homes, extended family members, school; whatever our life circumstances may be. What we often forget is to put ourselves on that list. Sometimes we confuse self love with selfishness. I think it is a bi-product of how society has compartmentalized women and our vast roles. In my view taking time for self love and care is essential to our development and growth as human beings. We could not possibly perform at optimal levels in all other facets of our lives if our foundation, self love is not a strong one. I subscribe to and identify with much of what Kimora represents with respect to the empowerment of women. The notion of self acceptance and the concept behind this fragrance of self love. On the packaging for the scent she has a message:

"LOVE ME for the essence of who I am...

Admire Me for my strength and spirit.

Cherish me for my passion and drive.

Respect me for my aspirations that DARE ME to dream.

What's most important is that you LOVE ME... for me."

"Love yourself" ~ Kimora Lee Simmons

The scent itself is comprised of the following components (notes): An oriental musk fragrance including apricot blossom, tangerine, passion fruit, frangipani blossom, jasmine petals and tiger orchid, along with vanilla blossom and sandalwood.

I personally had an opportunity to be a tiny part of this fragrance planning process via a meeting with fellow "fabs" and the perfumista herself for an episode of "Kimora Life in the Fab Lane" (Season 4, Episode 2 :The Bling Sale is available for download on iTunes).

Cleverly we were asked to describe (in 200 words or less) How Fragrance enhances your Fabulosity. Here was my reply: "A fragrance enhances my Fabulosity by giving me an instant spritz of confidence. It is about making an impression without words. I can exude my fabulousness without a single phrase as the scent I choose is a reflection of my mood, feelings and personality. Fragrance does to the nose what fashion does to the eyes; Intrigues, inspires and reflects your inner goddess. It is a splash of sass and class before I step into the world. My scent is a part of my Fabulosity that I can leave behind. As I breeze through my life my scent is what I will relinquish along with a lasting impression. It will serve to inspire men and women that I come into contact with, each in a different way. It is an inspirational message for one’s olfactory senses. A mist of my fragrance creates a memory for those around me as smell evokes memory in a way that no other sense can. My scent is my first and most important accessory of the day!"

CHEERS KIMORA for spreading your message of self love and acceptance though every avenue ~ twitter @OfficialKimora, http://kls.com/, your book and now through your scent!

Ladies show yourself some love and pick up LOVE ME: for $17 for 15Ml ($28 for larger size) how could you not? Raise the glass to your self; for being who you are ~ FABULOUS and WORTH IT!