Total Communication

I was considering the visual world that we live in. How everyone at a glance makes snap judgements about people based only on one piece of information, their appearance. Having a son with a disability and being a person who dresses authentically I see the judgements cast our way rather frequently. I also make judgments of my own, we all do.

We have all done it and at the end of the day it is a waste of time and serves no purpose but to lower our energy especially if the judgement is negative. I read this quote once that said something like, "You don't see me as I am you see me as you are". An interesting thought and inspires me to take pause and reflect.

Thinking about this topic I was reminded of the concept and social experiment of "Bagism". On March 31st 1969, John Lennon and Yoko Ono gave a press conference at the Sacher Hotel in Vienna, Austria. This was the first announcement of 'Bagism,' which they describe as "total communication." John clarified by saying; "Because when we were in Amsterdam doing Bed Peace, halfway through the week we sort of realized a tag to put on what we're doing which makes it easier for us and you to recognize what we're doing, by calling it Bagism. That means, if we have something to say or anybody has something to say, they can communicate from one room to another, and not confuse you with what color your skin is, or how long your hair’s grown, or how many pimples you’ve got."

John Lennon and Yoko Ono exhibit one of Yoko's art forms, called Bagism, at their Bank St. home in the West Village.

According to Wiki, Yoko said that bagism was inspired by the theme of Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's The Little Prince, which was "One sees rightly only with the heart, the essential is invisible to the eyes." She hoped that the bag, by hiding her and John's physical appearance, would make their essence or the essence of their message visible.

I am in an industry that is based entirely on the exterior, the fashion industry. For me, I personally look at fashion as an outer expression of who you are inside, a second language. But of course I can only guess or assume what one is trying to convey by the way they choose to adorn themselves, merely one part of the human puzzle. If you dress authentically the world can see who you are without having to speak on one level or make a false judgement based only on your appearance. Total communication concept turns this all brilliantly upside down. Imagine if you were left only to judge based on words alone? no preconceived notions about who you are and what you are thinking in that moment, not based on your clothing, color of your skin, weight, gender or other physical features? I think this was a very important social experiment and social message that still a powerful concept today. It serves as a reminder of how we let our physical world impact us and how much we rely on the appearance of others to formulate opinions about that person. It forces us to take a look at the human social illness of judgement and why we continue to participate.

In my almost 37th year of life I try to look past appearance and even language now and 'judge' someone on what they DO, their actions as opposed to sometimes empty words. 

I do 'Imagine' a day though where as humans we can have what John and Yoko refer to; total communication. A dialogue that is genuine and free from judgements and preconceived notions. Conversations where we choose to listen before we look and truly hear before we hurt the other person. Can preconceived notions ever be set aside in honor of "total communication"? or should we just get back in the bag?

Blake's Story: DOWN but not OUT

In honor of National Down Syndrome Awareness Month I teamed up with my friend and loving mother of 3 Tori Spelling and contributed my story to the Raise section of her eMAG EdiTORIal yesterday.

Read My Story: DOWN but not OUT HERE


Blake 2 days old - Special Care

This was my reality in the first week of Blake's life. He fought to be here and it was his courage that inspired mine.

As I look back on the last 5 months of Blakes growth I am forced to think of my own. Never has my character been so tested, my constitution so tried or my values and belief system so rocked. What I have realized is that our energy, collectively is best spent celebrating our differences and not judging them. We are ALL guilty of it (Myself included). What a boring, generic world we would live in if we were all the "same" or "similar". Where applicable apply the label of LOVE only.

The comments I have received from my family, friends and most of all virtual strangers in the last 24 hours have been overwhelming to say the least. I cried a lot yesterday while reading the public comments as I realized how many amazing, genuine, good hearted people in there are in this world, more than enough to drown out the negative, ignorant ones.

I look forward to what the future will hold with Blake and the rest of my family. A future that is unknown for all of us. We will enjoy our moments together confident in the fact that the world may knock us DOWN but they will never take us OUT! This is just the first you are hearing from me but I fully intend on becoming a LOUD voice of advocacy and information as I strive to give children with DS a voice. Sharing facts, and feelings in an intelligent and empowering way! I am PROUD of my son's extra chromosome ... Turns out thankfully MORE is MORE xo


"Every human being is intended to have a character of his own; to be what no others are, and to do what no other can do." - William Henry Channing


For more information about Down Syndrome visit the NDSS website.

Want to read more personal stories from the DS community? Many mothers reached out to me yesterday and shared their virtual spaces of LOVE!

Kellie: Enjoying the Small Things
Christine: Brody's Buddy Ride
Amy: GiGi's Playhouse
Kayla: Loving Austin
C. Smith: Results Not Typical
Amy: Mayson
R-WORD: Pledge to choose your words wisely and kindly!

Julie: Nina's Story

A Label of LOVE

We all apply labels to everything we have in this life as part of the human condition to allow our minds to make positive or negative associations usually based on pre-conceived notions or beliefs and not always facts or feelings.

The labels we apply to objects rarely have repercussions or consequences. The same is not true with people. We are ALL guilty of judging and labelling others to suit our purpose, justify our behaviours or to confirm a belief system we have. What we don't stop to think is how that effects the other person or their lives. The news has been full of terrible tales of teen's committing suicide based on being bullied and judged for who they are.

Through history humans have been so vile to one another all simply based on ignorance (in both senses of the word).

Professional dancer, Dancing with the Stars PRO, world champion and champion for EQUALITY Louis Van Amstel brought my attention to the comments of Oklahoma state Rep. Sally Kern (R) who said "homosexuality poses a greater threat to America than terrorist attacks". After my initial shock at her verbal expression of her internal ignorance and character I really felt sad for her and all who share her belief - sadly there are many. Those who choose to hate, bully, or waste their time and energy judging others.


Equality, Acceptance and Tolerance of ANYONE who is different for their skin color, sexuality, life choices, size, or perceived disability is ESSENTIAL to our evolution as a human race. Although fiercely promoted as a gay/lesbian issue I really believe EQUALITY to be a HUMAN issue. Louis shares my belief of EQUALITY for ALL and I had a chance to ask Louis a few questions regarding his feeling on the issue recently;

LISA: Why are you so passionate about this cause?

LOUIS: I was bullied for being fat, gay and short which I learned to deal with growing up, but I'll never forget the feeling. It's humiliating and makes you feel so lonely. I don't wish anyone to have to go through those feelings, that's why I will do anything in my power to not only advocate against bullying, but also find ways what we can do about it together.

LISA: What bothered you the most about the recent comments from Sally Kerns?

LOUIS: At first a laughed, because I thought it was a joke. When I realized she was very serious about her statement "Homosexuals are more dangerous than terrorists" it got me so riled up I couldn't let it go. I felt humiliated and I relived the same feeling again as when I was bullied as a kid. So many people have worked hard to get where they're at in life, for some person, like Sally Kern, to dare to make that statement is devastating and uncalled for.

LISA: What inspired you to write to her? Did she reply to your letter?

LOUIS: Even though I'm not a father, suddenly I felt the need to stand up for all the kids that are being bullied today and have no voice. Writing Sally Kern was the right thing to do. Sally Kern has not replied to letter to her on twitter, but I'm sending it officially to her office. I'm doing my research right now to get it through the right channels!

LISA: What can people do to help get involved and stop the HATE and bullying?

LOUIS: Let your opinion be heard, but do it in a way you're not trying to change people's mind. Sharing your opinion is enough. If you fight fire with fire it only fuels the opposition. When we all start living life excepting each other's differences we wouldn't have the HATE issue, nor the bullying. Can you imagine a world where we would all be the same? Same skin color, same hair color, same religion, same personalities????? It's the diversity in all the above that makes the world go round.

LISA: Can you talk about how you use dance to build self esteem.

LOUIS: For years I used dance as therapy. Thank goodness for dance, because for a long time it was my way to express without ever having to say one word about my feelings. Feelings of loneliness, humiliation, embarrassment etc. On the outside I looked happy, but on the inside I was pretty much numb. It was the combination of my artistic expression through movement and winning dance competitions that gave me the power to deal with my self esteem. I turned into a rebel. My true self esteem started growing when I started learning to say 'NO' if it didn't feel right for me! I started realizing following my gut feeling, which was giving me such a good feeling about myself versus my insecure mind. I also saw how the outside world was respecting me for it. To be true to yourself is really hard work and it never ends, building self esteem through dance is just so much more fun!....and cheaper...(LAUGHS)

Louis is a tireless supporter of anti-bullying and NOH8 campaigns as well as supporting people with developmental/intellectual disabilities. He has a heart even larger than his many talents. He is currently self esteem building via dance fitness with his new movement called LA BLAST! (soon to be available on DVD). Read his Blog HERE


Louis, Myself & my husband David attending a Charity luncheon/Fashion Show for KAINOS - an organization that provides housing, education and vocational training to individuals with developmental disabilities. An AMAZING organization really helping people!

This is an issue that we are all responsible to discuss, live our lives by example and teach our children and those around us tolerance. Hating back and acting out in negativity only perpetuates the problem. We should explore and talk about these issues in an intelligent and educated way. Life should be a celebration of DIFFERENCES and what makes each of us unique. It is only then can we all reach our full potentials as human beings and begin to evolve in peace; LOVE being the only label.