Lady Justice
My husband is back with his second guest blog about judgment (If you missed his first post read it HERE). We all do it, GUILTY as charged.
What we want you to think about is how your judgments of others impacts YOUR life and energy.
David share's his personal experience and the tools he uses to overcome the socially embedded
judgment of others.
I would like to invite you to participate in a practice that I have found to be very beneficial in reducing negativity in my life. To start I would like to state that I have been guilty of being consistently judgmental without giving it much thought or realization. In today’s western culture I am but one of the herd in stating this.
What, me judgmental? No you must have me confused with so and so. She is always spreading gossip. And me, well I am just stuck there listening. Listen I donate to good causes, I am always there to lend an ear while offering good advice. I care about my loved ones and go out of my way to support the good in life. Well guess what? There is a bit more to our story. To dive a little deeper I had some fun with this and asked several people who I am frequently around if they were judgmental. Unsurprisingly most of them said no. Ironically while judging them on their judgments I saw quite the contrary. Think about that one for a second?
Before I go on I would like to hone in on what I am talking about. I am not talking about big ticket issues that raise major concerns such as child abuse, wars, or even in some cases politics (I will stay away from religions as well). I am talking about the snap judgments made in so many moments that make up daily life.
“Learn how to drive you inconsiderate idiot! Did you just see that guy?” Moments later I cut someone off while answering my cell phone looking up to see a homeless person with their sign. I think to myself your sign should say “Give me some of your hard earned money so I can sit on my lazy ass and buy drugs and alcohol”. I would constantly judge without recognizing any real intention. This was often just based on appearance even when I didn’t have any knowledge of the person I was looking at. I didn’t even realize that I was guilty of this. It had become second nature. I always felt like a loving and compassionate person yet I would behave this way daily. My mind would say, “Wow look at that fake chick, fake everything and I bet the nice car is paid for by her husband who aspired to marry the trophy wife”. My next thought would be of something completely different as though that is perfectly normal (by the way what is normal?).
Even though some of our judgments may be accurate they really are not promoting a well-balanced sense of peace and acceptance. My personal experience is that these thoughts brought me unhealthy tension.
In a society with so much judgment it has been ingrained into much of our daily thinking. Take a moment to ponder the media and advertising especially as it relates to women. You are expected to have unblemished skin, little to no body fat, a perfect nose, have a big title, make six figures a year, wear designer clothes, have perfect obedient children and the list goes on and on. Don’t like the color of your eyes? No worries we can fix that. Don’t like your breasts? we can fix that too. As a matter of fact we will suck the fat right off your body so you don’t have to lift a finger just pay the tab. I see so many good people striving for improvement in their appearance and material lives just to be accepted and not judged in a negative manner. Many of these people come to realize much later on that they have missed out on life’s precious moments putting forth so much energy into this.
Finally I came to a place in my journey where I realized I needed to address this behavior and thought process. I won’t go on and list the many examples in conversations I have had with others sharing the commonality in judging others to make ourselves feel superior. It’s ironic as many of these behaviors being judged we have been guilty of at some point in our own lives. Most of it is just plain old gossip and ends up hurting others. As I became more aware of this negative energy I was putting out I became disgusted in how judgmental I was. Being a father and a business owner I wanted to be a better role model and curve my thoughts to a more positive avenue.
Okay so enough already, you get the big picture! My solution is the simple mantra, “It’s not for me to judge”. I recite this every time I recognize I am judging others in a negative context. I say it to myself or out loud during a time where a conversation or thoughts turns judgmental. When I refer to a negative context it does not apply to when I think highly of someone which can be viewed as a judgment in and of itself. This does not feel like I am judging them as much as it feels more like recognition, inspiration or support. I notice this has more to do with admiration and love rather than snap judgments based on appearance or unwelcome behaviors.
When someone is being intentionally disrespectful engaging in their motive only causes me anger and negative energy hence they are successful in bringing me down. When I say my mantra “It’s not for me to judge”, I quickly move on to thoughts that aligned with my authentic self. In taking the high road I instantly feel a sense of internal peace and renewed health. As I practice this application to avoid judgment I often experience a feeling of invincibility. No longer is it easy for people to get under my skin. After all it is not for me to judge their behavior. This way of thinking creates more heightened awareness and a surplus energy. I noticed the negativity in others dissipating as when I simply stopped engaging with their judgments they become frustrated and put their toxic energy elsewhere.
When someone is being intentionally disrespectful engaging in their motive only causes me anger and negative energy hence they are successful in bringing me down. When I say my mantra “It’s not for me to judge”, I quickly move on to thoughts that aligned with my authentic self. In taking the high road I instantly feel a sense of internal peace and renewed health. As I practice this application to avoid judgment I often experience a feeling of invincibility. No longer is it easy for people to get under my skin. After all it is not for me to judge their behavior. This way of thinking creates more heightened awareness and a surplus energy. I noticed the negativity in others dissipating as when I simply stopped engaging with their judgments they become frustrated and put their toxic energy elsewhere.
Next time you recognize a snap judgment rising up in your thoughts squash it to oblivion with the simple statement “It’s not for me to judge”. Ahhhh, now doesn’t that feel good? Not only does it feel good it empowers you by eliminating the negative energy suck that stewing on things produces. Enjoy and share your success with others. If you choose not to, well, “it’s not for me to judge”.
David Hergenroeder
