Judgment: Not For Me

Lady Justice

My husband is back with his second guest blog about judgment (If you missed his first post read it HERE). We all do it, GUILTY as charged. 

What we want you to think about is how your judgments of others impacts YOUR life and energy. 

David share's his personal experience and the tools he uses to overcome the socially embedded 

judgment of others.

I would like to invite you to participate in a practice that I have found to be very beneficial in reducing negativity in my life.  To start I would like to state that I have been guilty of being consistently judgmental without giving it much thought or realization.  In today’s western culture I am but one of the herd in stating this.  

What, me judgmental?  No you must have me confused with so and so.  She is always spreading gossip.  And me, well I am just stuck there listening.  Listen I donate to good causes, I am always there to lend an ear while offering good advice.  I care about my loved ones and go out of my way to support the good in life.   Well guess what?  There is a bit more to our story.  To dive a little deeper I had some fun with this and asked several people who I am frequently around if they were judgmental.  Unsurprisingly most of them said no.    Ironically while judging them on their judgments I saw quite the contrary.  Think about that one for a second? 

Before I go on I would like to hone in on what I am talking about.  I am not talking about big ticket issues that raise major concerns such as child abuse, wars, or even in some cases politics (I will stay away from religions as well).  I am talking about the snap judgments made in so many moments that make up daily life.  

“Learn how to drive you inconsiderate idiot!  Did you just see that guy?”  Moments later I cut someone off while answering my cell phone looking up to see a homeless person with their sign.  I think to myself your sign should say “Give me some of your hard earned money so I can sit on my lazy ass and buy drugs and alcohol”.  I would constantly judge without recognizing any real intention.  This was often just based on appearance even when I didn’t have any knowledge of the person I was looking at.  I didn’t even realize that I was guilty of this.  It had become second nature.  I always felt like a loving and compassionate person yet I would behave this way daily.  My mind would say, “Wow look at that fake chick, fake everything and I bet the nice car is paid for by her husband who aspired to marry the trophy wife”.  My next thought would be of something completely different as though that is perfectly normal (by the way what is normal?).

Even though some of our judgments may be accurate they really are not promoting a well-balanced sense of peace and acceptance.  My personal experience is that these thoughts brought me unhealthy tension.  

In a society with so much judgment it has been ingrained into much of our daily thinking.  Take a moment to ponder the media and advertising especially as it relates to women.  You are expected to have unblemished skin, little to no body fat, a perfect nose, have a big title, make six figures a year, wear designer clothes, have perfect obedient children and the list goes on and on.  Don’t like the color of your eyes?  No worries we can fix that. Don’t like your breasts?  we can fix that too.  As a matter of fact we will suck the fat right off your body so you don’t have to lift a finger just pay the tab.  I see so many good people striving for improvement in their appearance and material lives just to be accepted and not judged in a negative manner.  Many of these people come to realize much later on that they have missed out on life’s precious moments putting forth so much energy into this.

  

Finally I came to a place in my journey where I realized I needed to address this behavior and thought process.  I won’t go on and list the many examples in conversations I have had with others sharing the commonality in judging others to make ourselves feel superior.  It’s ironic as many of these behaviors being judged we have been guilty of at some point in our own lives.  Most of it is just plain old gossip and ends up hurting others.  As I became more aware of this negative energy I was putting out I became disgusted in how judgmental I was.  Being a father and a business owner I wanted to be a better role model and curve my thoughts to a more positive avenue.

Okay so enough already, you get the big picture! My solution is the simple mantra, “It’s not for me to judge”.  I recite this every time I recognize I am judging others in a negative context. I say it to myself or out loud during a time where a conversation or thoughts turns judgmental.  When I refer to a negative context it does not apply to when I think highly of someone which can be viewed as a judgment in and of itself.  This does not feel like I am judging them as much as it feels more like recognition, inspiration or support.  I notice this has more to do with admiration and love rather than snap judgments based on appearance or unwelcome behaviors.  

When someone is being intentionally disrespectful engaging in their motive only causes me anger and negative energy hence they are successful in bringing me down.  When I say my mantra “It’s not for me to judge”, I quickly move on to thoughts that aligned with my authentic self.  In taking the high road I instantly feel a sense of internal peace and renewed health.  As I practice this application to avoid judgment I often experience a feeling of invincibility.  No longer is it easy for people to get under my skin.  After all it is not for me to judge their behavior.  This way of thinking creates more heightened awareness and a surplus energy. I noticed the negativity in others dissipating as when I simply stopped engaging with their judgments they become frustrated and put their toxic energy elsewhere.   

Next time you recognize a snap judgment rising up in your thoughts squash it to oblivion with the simple statement “It’s not for me to judge”.  Ahhhh, now doesn’t that feel good?  Not only does it feel good it empowers you by eliminating the negative energy suck that stewing on things produces.  Enjoy and share your success with others. If you choose not to, well, “it’s not for me to judge”.

David Hergenroeder

You're Fat and It's Your Fault: Guest Blog

Myself and My Husband - Evolution Rewind Ring Shoot

Image by: Hayley Marie Photography

My two favorite concepts/words are ACCOUNTABILITY and TRUTH. I truly believe that is where all of your personal power is housed. Today I welcome my husband David with his first guest blog discussing his experience with these very issues, taking accountability and responsibility for your life in the general sense. Specifically he wants to introduce you to his friend pain and truth as they  pertain to life changes. We have just started a new year and I would wager that the majority of the goals/resolutions have to do with fitness and weight loss so this post will be a great motivator.

Come on let’s face it if you’re fat it’s your fault. Ouch that hurts!  Hey, that’s not politically correct.  How dare I say such a thing?  Please give me something I can digest, you say.  Like how about a magical fat loss pill? Oh yeah that didn’t work and made me ill.  Wait a second what about that new juice cleanse diet that so and so just lost all that weight using? That’s right it all came back and with a vengeance not to mention too much planning, too much preparation, the mess and regardless what they said I was hungry most of the time when they promised I wouldn’t be.  Oh I know!  What about that packaged diet plan where I buy all their food? That’s right I just couldn’t justify the cost or really afford it as it was another temporary fix with yet another big letdown.  Hold on; hold a minute while you munch on that tasty comfort food snack that says I will deal with this tomorrow.  Well honey let me remind you today is the tomorrow of yesterday and that ditch isn’t going to dig itself.  

Companies have made millions in convincing you that there is a painless way to lose weight without all the discomforts that come with a lifestyle change.  What was that? a lifestyle change?  Oh I’m not looking for that, I am just looking to drop some weight then resume my life again.  Well then refer to the top paragraph and continue to ignore the eight hundred pound gorilla in the room or better referred to as the truth.  

Before I go on let’s be realistic as this applies to adults who are in charge of what they eat and not the many abused children who are at the mercy of what their parents feed them. Yes it is a form of abuse to feed your children unhealthy food. Have you seen the statistics on Childhood obesity?  Let me preface the rest of this piece by making clear that my intention is not to hurt or belittle anyone but to merely bring forth the truth and illustrate what we all already know.

Okay so the “truth”.  The truth is a lifestyle change! As the specifics mentioned above in the first paragraph are not sustainable.  Even if there are few who are successful in those endeavors the fact is they are the exception to the rule.  So what constitutes a lifestyle change? Yeah you already know the equation for good health – a balanced diet low in fat, sugar and processed foods – high in fruits, vegetables, nuts and lean meats, etc.  – regular exercise, rest and low stress.  Wow no wonder few achieve their goals in this instant gratification society.  It sounds simple enough but can be extremely challenging if not approached right.

Alright enough already what is the secret sauce?  Embracing and accepting pain and discomfort.  Okay for all of you still reading and ready to commit to change start small with realistic goals.  As you build momentum you can push a little harder.  

Rather than continue preaching I will share my personal experience.  I struggled to bring forth change in my daily habits I continued to fail only to resort back to my unhealthy lifestyle but most often to a higher degree.  I started to lose confidence in myself and would often give up with the “I’ll start tomorrow syndrome”.  Remember today is yesterday’s tomorrow and tomorrow truly never comes in terms of definition.

After so many failed attempts I was experiencing a far greater pain than that of a lifestyle change, my pain was internal and was haunting my self-esteem and well being.  Little did I realize I was becoming accustomed to pain and discomfort but of the unhealthy kind.  Realizing this was a turning point and became one of my greatest motivating factors.  I understood that in order to be successful I not only had to expect and accept the pain and discomfort but I had to embrace it, look forward to it and eventually crave it.  We have all heard the sayings, “No pain no gain – Pain is weakness leaving the body”.  Well this knowledge has been around for years however multimillion dollar companies with large marketing budgets have been very successful in making us believe we can achieve our goals without pain and discomfort. 

 Yes losing weight or any lifestyle change is painful and brings forth much discomfort in the beginning.  I use the word pain as that was my experience.  Discomfort yeah but in the beginning discomfort really didn’t capture it as well as the simple term pain.  I am neither a doctor nor an expert however I am just like many of you reading this, the end user.  

So back to my story, I committed to change via the acceptance that pain was key in successfully changing my lifestyle.  I planned my meals, my workouts, etc. as that was the easy part.  What I changed in my approach was in the result I was looking for – pain & discomfort.  The result was instantaneous! Wow I didn’t even have to wait the thirty days it normally takes to see a difference.  I humored myself all along the way.  I would wake up and pain had become my unrelenting friend.  She was always there putting me in check.  My mindset had shifted as I knew when she appeared I was making strides and she was a reflection I was moving in the right direction.  The pain I had been feeling from being unsuccessful and losing confidence was slowly migrating to my friend who I would start out with each day.  I really didn’t realize this until the monumental shift had already taken place.  This was in as little as a couple of weeks.  That’s right weeks, not days remember we are acknowledging the truth.  Again my expected result was not weight loss as in a couple of weeks my weight loss was minimal.  We all know weight loss is a marathon not a sprint.  If you lose weight in the metaphor of a sprint and keep it off you are definitely the exception to the rule.  

How did I make pain my friend?  I awoke and went to sleep each night expecting her ever presence first.  She didn’t just arrive she was there.  So I talked to her and would take her down a notch or two with counting my blessing no matter how small.  Breathing is a constant and has been used for centuries in mediating and being more in the moment.  I would be thankful for breathing as it is a necessity to live so I would give thanks.  I would give thanks for my loved ones, where I lived, that I was in a society that is so overfed that we have this overweight dilemma.  How thankful I was not to be in a position of pain from lack of not having any food and many people in the world who face this daily.  Stop and take a moment to ponder that.  Feeling embarrassed?  Me too.  

One day when conversing with my new friend (pain) I thanked her for pulling me into the moment that I strive for in meditation each day.  Here all this time pain brought me into the moment much easier than all the breathing techniques had.  Pain was slowly becoming a catalyst for improvement in so many other areas in my life as well.  Those in my life were recognizing I was changing and would make positive remarks.  I was gaining confidence each day and now had a way to measure change, yeah you got it by my new good friend – pain.  I even named her as we were becoming quite close.  As time went on I had good days and bad days but she was always there.  When I would back slide she was gone and her brother (the internal pain of failure) would return.  He was not my friend and I never liked him.  She despised him as well.  I yearned for her when I would backslide as I came to realize she always had my best interest at hand.

Unfortunately she subsided into obscurity in time (depending on how you apply yourself will determine how long until she subsides).   Months had passed and low and behold I was confident, fit and was enjoying internal peace most of the time.  

As I faced challenges in other areas in my life I knew I had the secret sauce and lost the fear I once carried with change.  As an example I had the confidence to leave a twenty year career that paid good and had me in what is referred to as the “Golden Handcuffs”.  I left that job as it was not fulfilling nor matched my core values and started my own company.  I used the same practice with fear as I did with pain and embraced the change in my career.  My goal was never money but to create an environment that aligned with my core values.  The result of this approach is that I now enjoy working for myself in a successful and fast growing company.  The money was never my goal as the weight loss was never my goal however it became the byproduct.

Again, my intention in writing this piece is to share my experience in hopes that it helps anyone struggling with pain  of weight loss or any change. 

David Hergenroeder  

Thanks David for that digital kick in the ass. Truly your current relationship with gravity, fitness level or any other circumstance IS within YOUR control and power. Even if there is something out of your control in life you can control your response, thus it is all up to YOU. So, wow - I am fat and it's my fault? What a powerful and motivating concept! Cheers to accountability and embracing the uncomfortable to achieve the desirable.