The Shame Game: Shame on them? or Shame on us?

Is it just me or are there others who are annoyed to see the winner of 'The Biggest Looser' being shamed for her weight loss? 

Our society projects an utterly unattainable ideal of beauty. It is unattainable not only because it is unrealistic, it actually ceases to exist. No one can agree on what is 'perfect' or 'ideal' at all as beauty or any imagery  is a totally subjective experience.

The winner of the reality series, Rachel Frederickson lost 155 pounds on the show. She started at 260 and the final weight was 105 (she is 5'4" & 24 years old.) 

The Internet has exploded with criticism over her loss and I am sickened to read the comments from people. I do not watch the show but have had a hard time escaping the news stories and commentary from all the critical people hiding behind their computers and smart phones.

My first thought was, 'society should be ashamed of themselves. First they FAT shame her for being overweight and then they THIN shame her for being to thin'.  My second thought was, 'is this really a news worthy story? who cares how much weight some stranger just got paid $250,000 to loose'. 

After the incessant images, stories and posts in my facebook timeline and twitter feed I felt compelled to 'weigh' in on the issue.

I would first like to say BRAVO to Rachel. She worked her ass off, literally to lose the weight, regardless of peoples warped opinions. It was her choice and I'm glad she is standing behind it. 

The "experts" are complaining that her BMI now is too low, but before it was too high. They are the Goldilocks of body image but what they forget to mention is no one will be ideal or juuuust right. If people were accepted for who they are shows like "The Biggest Loser" would be completely irrelevant.

BMI it is like the weight equivalent of IQ in my opinion. A completely arbitrary measure with way too many variables to be accurate and applied to everyone. 

This issue of body image and shame must be discussed so I guess we should all be grateful to Rachel and the media shame game for being the catalyst. Women need to open their eyes and realize that there is no REAL ideal of beauty, only the ones that we impose on ourselves. We are served the proverbial entree of some random fashion editor's ideal but it is only a 'suggestion' or something to 'inspire us'. Instead of taking accountability, women BLAME the media and fashion magazines for depicting an image that they CHOOSE to accept.

Labels & Stereotypes

Day after day I see intelligent, beautiful women feel poorly about themselves based on what a stranger prints online, in a magazine or puts on television. They hold themselves up to a standard that completely ceases to exist and is generally a digital illusion or digital delusion. We have all done it. We just need to not take part in societies shame game.

Why do we accept the shame that others project on us for our weight, body shape or overall appearance? 

Don't you think it is time to take our power back and stop being mindless victims to the media and fashion magazines? There was nothing more empowering to me than the day I realized that actual person who makes us fee 'less than' is US/ME/YOU.

We should embrace the media onslaught of unrealistic imagery and choose to turn it into an inspiration for self improvement or accept it simply as someones subjective taste, not something that you are to be compared to or measured against. There IS strength in accountability ladies. I don't have a flat stomach because I choose to eat/drink what I want and not exercise to the level that would be required to achieve that result. I am not the size I was in high school because I choose not to put the work in to be so and instead I make excuses. I am actually happy with who I am today. It has been a long road, not without days I feel less than fabulous but that is all me, not participating in societies shame game. I accept accountability for myself and my choices. I strive to be the best version of myself not a version of someone else, especially someone who is clearly a figment of Photo Shops imagination. I do enjoy my fashion magazines too and feel no need or desire to compare myself to anything  I see, I just gush over the grossly over priced accessories and dream of the day I can waltz into CHANEL in Paris and get my quilted bag.

Thank you Rachel for getting this dialogue started. Enjoy your success and don't get caught up in the shame game.

Is it then shame on them? or shame on us?

What do YOU think?

My personal BMI (Bold Modern Idea):  We are ALL PERFECTLY IMPERFECT!

This Is MY Body

Due to the nature of our society, body image issues effect ALL of our lives. No matter what colour, race, gender or age.  We do everything we can to mask our perceived flaws, change our original appearance and avoid ageing. I wonder what the effects would be if we put half of this effort into acceptance. Accepting who we are and what we look like today. We can change our bodies through proper diet and exercise if we want to but we can also just be comfortable in our own skin and enjoy our lives.

In my quest to evolve and learn I came across a slowly growing online movement called "This is my body project". It literally moved me. The bravery of the people who post to this site and facebook page is truly inspirational (to say the least). To see people of all shapes and sizes, genders and ages bear all in a natural unairbrushed state (in photograph and in print) is amazing to me and their first step to acceptance and healing. Take a few moments to look at the images and stories. We are all VERY quick to judge others when really we should celebrate each others differences and work on ourselves.

This project was started by a very wise then 17 year old who had been bullied and hurt by people telling her she was ugly, fat and not good enough.  She explains her position in this video clip  

 I had a chance to ask her a few questions about her project and mission of acceptance recently 

 LISA: What inspired you to start this "project"? 

 KAILEI: The project kind of started accidentally.. I've been a model since I was around 15 years old and at the age of 17 I started to receive anonymous hate mail messages on a website called formspring. People whose identities I didn't know were messaging me calling me fat and too ugly to model, telling me I needed to start a diet, saying that the body I was showing off wasn't my own and was photoshopped to look the way it does in photographs. I'm not the type of person to retaliate to cyber bullies... so I decided to use my artwork to do the talking for me. That's when I took the first ever This is My Body photo. I posted it to show off the way my stomach really looked to all of the bullies who told me I was fake or wasn't good enough. What could they possibly say about me not being good enough if I was chubby, showed off my tummy and was still able to model? After that the photo got a major response, people started telling me they wanted to take photos similar to mine and the entire project jump started from there! 

 LISA: What do you think is the biggest negative influence on women's and/or men's body image? 

 KAILEI: The mass media holds a huge role in how we as a society view ourselves. We're shown approximately 3,000 advertisements a day. Do any of those advertisements feature an average sized man/woman? They all show us false images of what we're supposed to look like, men with huge muscles and bulgy bodyscapes and women sizes 0 and under. After all of that constant exposure it starts to rub off on us. We live in a world where thin is in and that's the only acceptable body type. 

 LISA: What do you hope to accomplish? 

 KAILEI: Well as I stated before thin is the only acceptable body type in our society. I'm hoping to change that perception. I want society to start believing that all healthy body types are beautiful, to the thinner side or the heavier side. I want communities to begin to come together, we don't see enough people using the Internet as a tool to appreciate each other and to make friends. Now it's more about shielding ourselves behind a screen and being what we want to be instead of being who we really are and being happy with that.  

LISA: How can my readers participate? 

KAILEI: The directions on how to submit and what we're looking for are posted on our facebook page

here And the form to submit can be sent via e-mail or through our website HERE

Of course I was compelled to participate as I accept myself and love who I am. I am perfectly imperfect, full of flaws, many of which I have earned. I have 2 beautiful babies and the stretch marks I wear has a badge of honor. My laugh lines came from amazing experiences and my frown lines too. 

Of course no one has a perfect self image but we can all get on the road to acceptance and action if there are things we would like to change to get closer to our 'authentic self'.  As we all heal we all must take accountability for how we look AND feel. For me, I am currently transitioning my diet and lifestyle.  I have been vegetarian for 5 years but now am transitioning to a plant strong diet.  Plant strong is a diet of natural, whole foods. NO animal products or processed "food". I have a very limited alcohol consumption. No smoking or ANY drugs (prescription or otherwise) and I exercise 3-5 times a week. I love to LaBlast (DANCE) and Get outside to walk the beach or hike with my family.  I am doing this for my health and longevity. The welcomed side effect is weight loss and fitness. I'm doing this for myself and my family not for society. I am on the ME program.

This is an amazing affirmation to print out and put on every mirror in your home, carry with you or say to yourself at least once a day when you need too: "I ACCEPT MYSELF UNCONDITIONALLY RIGHT NOW" (Louise Hay)

Do you want to get a step toward acceptance? Be BOLD: Share your image and story with the "It's My Body Project" today!

My brand EVOLUTION VINTAGE strives to include everyone regardless of shape, size, age or budget in a Fashion Revolution. To Re-Style Fashion's past current, inspiring women to think outside the confines of trend and the herd mentality and Dress in what they LIKE and are naturally drawn too. Don't limit yourself to what is available in chain stores but listen to your inner style voice and explore the UNIQUE.  LIKE us on Facebook

PLUS SIZE: Fashion Segregation?

I just read a blog on fox news that posed the question:

Do attempts to do away with term 'plus size model' marginalize the plus size consumer?

PLUS Model Magazine (@PlusModelMag) and women's specialty fashion apparel retailer Lane Bryant (@lanebryant) asked via Twitter - We want know: What's wrong with the word "Plus"? Share your thoughts

I shared my views on the subject to the extent one can via twitter but I thought I would elaborate here.

I feel that the term PLUS SIZE marginalizes women and has always translated to me as 'not good enough'; in comparison to the ridiculous beauty myth our society spoon feeds to us on a daily basis via the entertainment industry AND the fashion industry. I find the term offensive, archaic AND counter productive.


V Magazine's CURVES feature 2010

Who coined the phrase or created the term PLUS SIZE anyway? The jury is still out on that one. Based on my research all I was able to establish was whatever the "average" size was when this term was put into use the women who exceeded it were considered PLUS ... so were the ones who did not considered MINUS? The "experts" cannot even decide what the "average" number is. Some consider PLUS to be over a size 6 or 8 in the Fashion industry, some a size 10 and even so far as a size 12.

We all know the facts; the average woman in the US is a size 14. So I guess the PLUS should start there? I know MANY beautiful women well past a 14 and feel terrible as they suffer at the hands of fashion segregation.

V Magazine 2010

I am a mother, entrepreneur, lover of fashion AND I LOVE my body! However I feel that the term PLUS has always separated larger women in a form of fashion segregation. For example: Go into a retail store there is the section for "regular" people (or Minus) but the PLUS section is always labeled ironically with BIG signs and segregated to a different section of the store. The clothes are also ALWAYS different than their MINUS counterparts as well. Why can't the jacket I like in sz 0-8go into a size 12, 14 or 16? one is banished to the plus section to salvage something that is semi stylish, but never the same. To take it a step further if you require a larger size you may even be segregated to a whole other STORE. There is nothing like going shopping with friends and have to make an extra stop so you don't go home empty handed. Don't get me wrong I don't subscribe to the herd mentality either, just because the others shop at store "A" does not mean I have to, but I would like the option. I have went into these "special stores" before with women I adore to hear things like "Off to the fat lady store" and other negative labels and statements. I have looked through the racks and am hard pressed to find anything I would wear. Much of the clothes I have seen are matronly, ill fitting and nothing like the cuts, colors or patterns seen in the store next door for the 'regular' or in the terms set forth above "below average" shoppers. They are also considerably higher priced then their smaller counterparts. I can only guess what the argument might be; "we have to use more material", in this world of foreign labour and mass production, I'm not buying it! "Above average" women are being exploited monetarily because retailers KNOW shopping options are limited.


V Magazine 2010

Every women regardless of her PLUS or MINUS status have different and unique body shapes, carry weight different and have varying features (longer legs, shorter arms, etc). I love being unique but segregated? not so much. Why are the smaller sizes not labelled MINUS with a GIANT sign and placed all in one section? You are a ZERO (size 0) so you go to this rack, etc. Funny enough most of the left over clothes, or the ones that make it to the clearance racks are of the "below average" variety (XS, S, etc.) You would think manufacturers would get the drift by now. I am happy to report that higher end design houses who used to be exclusive to the single digit crowd now are expanding their lines to include their double digit or PLUS size consumer - who buy the way are as beautiful and lovely. It was reported that the consumer will be able to find clothing larger than a size 14 at retailers like Saks Fifth Avenue by the likes of; Chanel, Dolce & Gabbana, YSL, Alexander McQueen, and Prada. Marc JAcobs was the FIRST designer to 'unofficially' announce that his brand would be creating clothes bigger than a size 14 via twitter. I wonder if Sacks will make women go to a different floor or section for the +14 sizes like the lower end retailers?


Fashion segregation, I feel is actually counter productive to retailers. If I feel empowered, beautiful and fabulous I WILL spend more money and likely return. If I feel segregated, labeled and discouraged I will go home empty handed.


ELLE Magazine 2010

I think women are beautiful at any size, so long as they are healthy. We all know the multitude of health risks associated with being seriously overweight.

So WHY the plus size label anyway? Isn't reading the actual size of the garments label enough? Women know their size in a numerical form (2,6,10,13,14,18,20) so why the extra label of PLUS AND segregated sections?


French ELLE Magazine Cover

I know that there are many women who will argue with me and are happy to be segregated and have the opportunity to shop at a "special store". I'm glad the term PLUS is not as offensive to them as it has always been to me. With our mastery of the English language one would assume that the industry could come up with alternative language or even a different labelling system all together to include everyone and their body shapes and types. I'm a size ME, no PLUS no MINUS ~ just ME. I'm happy that more magazines are using 'above average' models on their covers and in their pages. It is a step in the right direction toward health, positive body images and self acceptance for many of the world's women.


Amber Riley (of GLEE) SAG Red Carpet 2011

CELEBRATE yourself no matter what your size or shape. Don't be discouraged as you try to build your wardrobes. You are each beautiful at any size (PLUS or MINUS) ~ Confidence is the BEST accessory and is always in FASHION!