Footprints & Contemplation

Image: East Beach Santa Barbra 9/12/16

Since Labor Day my family has been in serious flux due to the illness of an extended family member. My brother-in-law has spent the last 10 days in the ICU, fighting his way out of the dark hole of addiction. A brutal addiction to alcohol and drugs that has left him literally fighting for his life.  My husband has been at his bed side and in his absence it got me thinking about our footprint on this life, what is it we leave behind in others? A whole host of friends have made a week long endless procession past his bed and some stayed holding vigil, waiting for him to wake up. Thankfully he has come back to us yesterday but I was left amazed and still pondering the foot print analogy. Even through the depths of his horrid disease he was able to leave such an amazing footprint on the lives of all who have texted, called, prayed, emailed and paid a physical visit to his bedside.

His addiction is just part of his story, it isn't who he is. His authentic self has been buried and smothered by the dark cloak of addiction for so long but everyone knew HE was still in there. I did not know him before his addiction. I was introduced to and grew to care for the man who the addiction held captive because he still put on a jovial face through his obvious pain and showed glimpses of his kind heart to me over the years that I have had the privilege of being married to his brother. Footprint left. 

Is it only when you see someone for who they truly are, looking past their perceived faults, disabilities, symptoms of their diseases and repercussions of their choices that they have the ability to leave that footprint behind? 

I wonder why some footprints (impressions/feelings) stay intact and others fade, like those left in the soft sand that are whisked away by the tide leaving no trace behind. 

Part of the miracle of life is not having all the answers. I felt compelled to share my contemplation in hopes of arriving at some. Maybe the footprints are simply feelings that say more about who you are then who has left them. If we are busy judging someone for perceived flaws or other issues we are missing the opportunity to enjoy how they, flaws and all, make us feel in that moment. The footprints then could be an accumulation of those tiny moments, the end result or manifestation of our own openness to really see someone and allow them to make an impression. 

I am interested to hear your thoughts. Leave them in the comment section below.

Enjoy leaving and receiving footprints today.

DSAM: Siblings Sound Off

Kaleigh's hand written submission for this blog. Published here unedited.

On this 27th day of Down Syndrome Awareness Month I wanted to look at Down Syndrome from the perspective of the Sibling. Blake is lucky enough to have 3, flanked by 2 sisters with a big brother to watch over the group.

Did you know? In 2011, Dr. Brian Skotko found in study conducted at Children’s Hospital Boston, “among siblings ages 12 and older, 97 percent expressed feelings of pride about their brother or sister with Down syndrome and 88 percent were convinced they were better people because of their sibling with Down syndrome.” (see reference below).

I have said many time's that Blake being born with Down Syndrome is making my children more compassionate, empathetic, helpful and kind human beings. I asked them to communicate, in their own words their feelings about Down Syndrome, Society and their little brother Blake.

Kaleigh Rain, 7 Years old:

"Kids that have Down Syndrome are just like regular kids. There is nothing wrong with having Down Syndrome. Blake and I like to dance together to music. We also like to play outside. Blake is very good at art. Blake sometimes gets a little dirty and everyone needs an extra bath.

 We like to laugh and wrestle. As sister Kaleigh I have to stick up for Blake. Blake has fun at school. I love him even that he doesn't even know his name yet and everyone is different. I hope you will be nice to kids and grown ups with Down Syndrome." 

Danica, Age 13: 

"My baby brother has Down Syndrome. Many people thing Down Syndrome is bad and that but they're just like any other person. My brother Blake is just like any other kid, he's fun, sunny, caring, sweet and so much more, I enjoy having him as a brother so much, he has brightened my life since he was born. I have had so many memories with him that I will remember my whole life.

He makes me remember what it was like to be younger and how I just wanted to do what I wanted to do and how much I loved my family. Blake has shown so much to me. I may be the older sibling the one to be an example but he showed me things that I didn't know before like I didn't even know what Down Syndrome is before I found out Blake had it. I didn't think any different of him, he was just like everyone else. When my step mom and my dad told us what it was I still thought Blake was normal. I'm so thankful to have my little brother Blake and can't wait to share many more memories with him."

Dylan, Age 17:

"Don't let Down Syndrome change your opinion on a person. I have watched my little brother grow up for 4 years now and he is still just as loving and kind as anyone else if not more.

 He excels everyday just as any other kid does. I'm positive hes just as smart as children without Down Syndrome in his age group. I wish people wouldn't put titles on people like my brother. 

His life is just as important as mine or yours. Never judge a person just because they have a so called disability, it doesn't change who they are."

When I look around I see the impact that Blake and every other member of the Down Syndrome community is having on the lives around them. They are contributing to the lives of people in their community, classrooms and those closest to them, their siblings. I don't think that my children would have changed their answer in any way if asked by another person. I love that they are considering the impact's of labels society places on people and how a label, like disability does not change who you are. An important life lesson for any child. I am so proud to be raising such loving advocates and allies!

Further Reading:

Skotko, B.G., Levine, S.P., Goldstein, R. (2011). Having a Brother or Sister with Down Syndrome:  Perspectives from Siblings.  American Journal of Medical Genetics Part A: 155:2348-2359.

Perspective: Life in a Jar

Someone shared this with me recently via Facebook. There have been variations of this story that have been passed around before but I love this one best.  It really puts things into perspective about what is important and hopefully will make you take pause today and look at your priorities.

In the wake of the senseless tragedy in Newtown, CT I have really used my grief for the parents and family of the victims/hero's to think about how much my family and children mean to me and what my priorities are. I have looked beyond  the words of the cliche to 'make every moment count' and have applied it to my actions. We are all so caught up in unessential matters and with insignificant people that those moments wasted could have went to our loved ones, the ones who deserve us to be present the most.

I hope this story brings a little perspective to you today.

"A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles roll

ed into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed..

‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff.

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.

Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’ The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of Beers with a friend."

Enjoy your family and friends this and all seasons.

~ L

XO

Myself, My Son Blake, Daughter Kaleigh Rain and Husband David. The loves of my life!

Image: Hayley Marie Photography

Christmas: Decking The Halls

This Christmas season I have been very busy juggling all of my roles and responsibilities; planning Christmas for 2 households, preparing for a trip to Canada and business too. There is not too much time left over to deck the halls in my usual, "over the top" manner. I wanted to share a few quick recipe's and tips for decking your halls in an efficient but unique manner.

The Music:

I love an eclectic mix between the past and present. Holiday music in the background is essential to keep me motivated (since I now live where there is no snow). I have my go-to iTunes playlist of my favourite Christmas songs including; Mistle Toe & Holly (Frank Sinatra), Santa Baby (Ertha Kitt), The Christmas Song (Nat King Cole), Silent Night (Lisa Marie Presley) I'll be Home for Christmas (The Carpenters), Happy Christmas (war is over) (John Lennon), Rockin Around The Christmas Tree (Brenda Lee), Holly Jolly Christmas (Burl Ives), Silver Bells (Bing Crosby & Carole Richards), Christmas Eve in Sarajevo (Trans Siberian Orchestra) and several songs performed by a full orchestra!


The Food:

I had an early Christmas celebration with my family here in the USA (before I depart for my Canadian Christmas). I had to pull it together in a flash.

Baking:

Red Velvet Cupcakes & mini-cake: Good ole Betty Crocker supplied the quick and easy mixture for the red velvet cupcakes. I used the cream cheese frosting in the can by Pillsbury. It gives you the capability to create designs on the cupcakes/cakes. I bakes a dozen and wrote the word CHRISTMAS, and used the others to "sample" ;)I used the excess batter to make a mini-cake, which I monogrammed using the frosting and arranged on a try with a Christmas napkin and a tray I had on-hand.
Melting Snow Man Cookies: I have seen these quick and easy cookies on-line and thought it would be a really fun activity to share with the kids. On-line all the recipe's call for sugar cookies, which made no sense to me. I thought; If a snow man was really melting in the heat he would be on sand right? So I made Peanut Butter Cookies instead. Use white frosting to create the "melting" effect on the cookie. Soften the large marshmallows for a few seconds in the microwave then stick on the cookie. Use a decorative gel to create the face, arms, and accessories of your snow men/women.
Snacks: I picked up a bag of Mission festive Tortilla Chips in Green & Red, placed in a Silver metallic salad bowl on the table. Cadbury FINALLY has created a Christmas edition of my FAV chocolate treat "the mini egg" - they now come in red, white and green candy coated balls. I fill Martini glasses with these mini pieces of heaven for my Christmas Table.


Quick Dinner Plan: I quickly pulled together a FAB dinner with Buitoni Cheese Tortellini (boil and serve), Garlic Marinara sauce (I add veggies to the canned sauces if I don't have time to make a sauce from scratch), top with freshly grated Parmesan cheese. Garlic bread with cheese (I grabbed one from my local grocer, scraped off all that nasty excess butter, add my own garlic and cheese - freshly grated Parmesan cheese) and don't forget your veggies. I served a giant garden salad; mixed greens, tomato, onion, cucumber, green/red peppers and garnish w avocado slice. My daughter skips the salad and opts for cucumber slices instead (Served in a festive Rudolph plate of course).
Always add a little bit of bubbly .. champagne, sparkling water, cider or pop(soda) will do too. No matter what your choice bubbly beverage, always serve in a flute!

Decor:

I use a mix of Christmas decor in my home during the holidays. I use scented pine cones and Christmas balls to fill large glass vases. I use silver chargers (commonly used for plates) as bases for displays of pillar candles. I also made my own tree topper!

DIY Tree Topper:

I re-used the pewter H monogram that I had atop my wedding cake in 2008 as the focal point of my tree topper. Use a monogram for your family or take some sentimental piece from your collection of keep-sakes to use. Try a framed photo of your family or an item that represents them, a memory you all share or a memento from a family vacation!

Each year I add something to the piece. I purchased a small wreath that was made from branches with faux-snow, plastic pine and faux-snow dusted cranberries. You could also go for a fresh topper and collect fallen branches and twist them into a wreath (fasten with thin wire) and dry real cranberries. Using silver ribbon from the dollar store my mom (a few years ago) added a giant bow. I have since found the same ribbon and added the long pieces that are attached to he topper that cascade down my tree (in lieu of traditional garland). This year, also from the dollar store I added red sparkle sprays of festive foliage. No matter how you deck your halls Christmas is all about FAMILY, FRIENDS and spending time. I hope you are able to spend time with your loved ones and enjoy the last moments of 2011 with them.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS from my family to yours