DSAM: I Dream Of Jeannie

Down Syndrome Awareness Month (DSAM) is coming to a close but not before I have the opportunity to share this years themed collaborative images. My friend Nicole and I worked together to bring you Danny and Sandy with our 'Grease' themed shoot last year (read it here). This year we chose to pay homage to the first episode of the classic show "I Dream of Jeannie" that originally aired in September of 1965.

The episode is that of unique discovery and Nicole and I thought this makes a fabulous analogy pertaining to having a child with Down Syndrome.

 Blake (AKA Major Nelson) stumbles upon the surprise of a Genie (Well, Jeannie)bottle washed up on the shore where he is stranded, alone. Our diagnosis of Down Syndrome came as a surprise and instantly I felt alone, stranded in an unknown land. 

I quickly came to find out that I had a unique and beautiful tour guide and I most certainly wasn't alone. What a beautiful community we instantly became a part of. I have connected with local mothers like Nicole and mothers from all over the world who were also once stranded on their own unique islands. 

Our children land into this world, in their unique form with their gifts and abilities. Nicole makes a great point about her magical daughter Amelia, that this world wants her to keep her magic hidden and wants her to be like everyone else. But Amelia, Blake and everyone else in their community can't help but share their magic with everyone they come in contact with. 

As a community we should not have to explain our children's worth, justify their existence, or constantly fight the systems that were designed to help them. We do still, every day. We also continue to advocate, educate and start meaningful conversations in an effort to share the magic we experience as well as the challenges. 

This adventure is full of twists and turns. No day like the last. Just like raising any other children. 

Society places limits on our community based on antiquated, myths and a hyper focus on what they CAN'T Do. Instead, imagine you looked at someone with a disability and saw only their strengths? or what they love to do? or ponder how you can assist them in achieving their individual dreams and goals? I am under no grand delusion about my son and his present levels. He will never be an astronaut like Major Nelson but he may love to study outer space, take an internship or job at NASA in another capacity if that is what he wants, or simply love space movies. The sky is the limit and I love him to the moon and back no matter what.

People with Down Syndrome want what everyone wants: To love and be loved. 

They wan't to be understood, respected, supported and given opportunities, just like you and I. They want to be meaningfully included in their communities, classrooms and conversations.

The celebration of differences is long overdue in our world. Why would we want to be like anyone else? (boring) Our humanity is what binds us in similarity, our differences are what help us evolve and grow to be the best version of ourselves. This is a quest that is never ending, for all of us.

Never loose sight of the magic in others or in yourself.

Color Your World

I live, work and dream in color. I exist and grow in rainbows. 

I am inspired by color, by vibrancy in the world, radiant energies, passionate people.

I am constantly in a state of bewilderment as I look around. I look in gratitude of course but also in awe of how and why people don't encourage each other to shine their light as bright as they can. I am astonished at why more people don't help each other grow and express their unique color pallet. I for one am so exhausted seeing every ones public armor painted and camouflaged beige.

Shoe Story: 

SJP Collection FAWN in Ochre and Pink Satin. Also "Louise" in Blue Satin.

I chose to use images of my favorite colorful shoes to illustrate my point. I am not paid, thanked, compensated, treated or encouraged to promote this shoe collection, this candy or anything I share in my physical or digital life. I share what I love for the sake of sharing it. I expose the world of my unique colors in hopes it will inspire you to do the same. It doesn't have to take the form of social media over sharing, but just authenticity to every person that you encounter. You are amazing and the world needs exactly who you are in this moment, colors, flaws and all.

"The universe is my palette. I paint a glorious picture and step into it" - Alan Cohen 

Today's color pallet of blues, pinks and yellows. All looks available via EVOLUTION VINTAGE

Falling Into Autumn

image

I love the changing of the seasons. Growing up in Ontario Canada there was a stark contrast and my favorite transition was between summer and fall. There was something about the difference in the air, the falling of the leaves and changing colors. I now live in California and this transition is a lot more subtle, but last night was the first night I felt a slight chill in the air. I used my seat warmer in my car today when transporting my kids to school this morning so I know for sure the season is upon us.

I was thinking a lot about the concept of these falling leaves as a metaphor for letting go. People who are attune to the seasons and the subtle shift in nature can gain insight from the "messages". To me the falling of the leaves symbolizes a shedding of sorts and a letting go.

It is fascinating that the tress instinctively know when it is time to let go and release their leaves, making way for fresh new ones after a period of barrenness and rest. As humans we wonder why we don't have the same innate capacity as we watch the literal leaves falling from the trees. I believe that we ALL do. We simply choose to ignore feelings, rationalize red flags away and let our inner voices be drowned out by all of the external noise of the busy world that surrounds us. We are afraid to strip it all away and see ourselves clearly. We cannot hide from ourselves if our life camouflage is gone.  The change that is brought forth breeds fear and we try to avoid it. When we let go and let our life leaves fall we never know what new opportunities, friends, connections are just around the corner. 

Today is the perfect time to take pause, be silent and still and think about all the people and things in your life. Give gratitude for the blessings that make you feel good and examine the things that have been nagging at you, make you feel off, cause stress or negative emotions. We ALL have that intuitive voice inside, can you hear it? Could you just make a commitment to yourself, today on the first day of autumn, to just let it all go? Bid farewell to the people in your life who are not authentic and hurt you? Say goodbye to situations that no longer serve you in a positive way? Send all of your own behaviors who's results and consequences are causing you stress or anxiety far far away? make some personal changes that are not comfortable but are necessary?

I think you can. That is what I will do with the latter part of my day. Recently my world has went through a cleansing of sorts, only because I am listening to myself a lot more and clearing away all of the negative people, energy, habits and situations. By taking accountability for exactly where I am standing in life is so difficult and painful but necessary and empowering all at the same time. I've taken my head out of my phone and essentially my ass and began to look up a lot more. Because after all, the sky is indeed the limit.

A falling leaf captured by my iphone ... see what happens when you look up?

Footprints & Contemplation

Image: East Beach Santa Barbra 9/12/16

Since Labor Day my family has been in serious flux due to the illness of an extended family member. My brother-in-law has spent the last 10 days in the ICU, fighting his way out of the dark hole of addiction. A brutal addiction to alcohol and drugs that has left him literally fighting for his life.  My husband has been at his bed side and in his absence it got me thinking about our footprint on this life, what is it we leave behind in others? A whole host of friends have made a week long endless procession past his bed and some stayed holding vigil, waiting for him to wake up. Thankfully he has come back to us yesterday but I was left amazed and still pondering the foot print analogy. Even through the depths of his horrid disease he was able to leave such an amazing footprint on the lives of all who have texted, called, prayed, emailed and paid a physical visit to his bedside.

His addiction is just part of his story, it isn't who he is. His authentic self has been buried and smothered by the dark cloak of addiction for so long but everyone knew HE was still in there. I did not know him before his addiction. I was introduced to and grew to care for the man who the addiction held captive because he still put on a jovial face through his obvious pain and showed glimpses of his kind heart to me over the years that I have had the privilege of being married to his brother. Footprint left. 

Is it only when you see someone for who they truly are, looking past their perceived faults, disabilities, symptoms of their diseases and repercussions of their choices that they have the ability to leave that footprint behind? 

I wonder why some footprints (impressions/feelings) stay intact and others fade, like those left in the soft sand that are whisked away by the tide leaving no trace behind. 

Part of the miracle of life is not having all the answers. I felt compelled to share my contemplation in hopes of arriving at some. Maybe the footprints are simply feelings that say more about who you are then who has left them. If we are busy judging someone for perceived flaws or other issues we are missing the opportunity to enjoy how they, flaws and all, make us feel in that moment. The footprints then could be an accumulation of those tiny moments, the end result or manifestation of our own openness to really see someone and allow them to make an impression. 

I am interested to hear your thoughts. Leave them in the comment section below.

Enjoy leaving and receiving footprints today.

DSAM: Laura's Story

Mark Asher

As we welcome the 18th day of Down Syndrome Awareness Month I am pleased to introduce my friend and Birthday Girl Laura. We connected through the ' little something extra' shared by our beautiful boys. I'm so thrilled to be able to share her story as she was to write it. She communicated to me that really writing down her thoughts and feelings here was a very cathartic experiences. Through both tears and smiles she has graciously shared her real experience of being a mother to three lovely boys, one of which happens to have Down Syndrome.

Laura and I at Blake's Paw Patrol Themed 4th Birthday!

Hello, my name is Laura Hansen, and my husband Darin and I have three sons: Nate (13), Luke (11), and our sweet little angel boy, Mark Asher, who is almost 3 and one half years old.  Our story begins back on May 31, 2012. Mark Asher came into this world earlier than anticipated, as a "late term" preemie, meaning he was born on the last day of the 36th week of my pregnancy.  This alone was a shock, as I had always carried my previous pregnancies full term. My pregnancy was uneventful, and all appeared "normal" along the way. We had no idea that we were going to be having a baby born with Trisomy 21, or more commonly known as "Down Syndrome (DS)". 

Mark Asher was born late in the afternoon, with all my family there to greet and hold him, and was as beautiful as ever. He had ten fingers and ten toes, nursed like a champ (even though the nurses said that was unusual with DS), and he had the sweetest disposition. It's as if the sweetness in that room of a Mother's and Father's unconditional love for their precious child whom they so desired to have, prayed for, and received, bridged any fear that traversed the universe in that moment!  I leaned in and kissed his forehead and held him even tighter. I'll never forget later my Mother had some tears and I said, "Oh Mom, it's going to be ok," and she said, "Honey, I'm not crying because he has DS; I'm crying because you have no idea what a gift from heaven you have just been given."  So from the beginning, we were all caught off-guard, and yet, he was perfect from Day One as far as we were concerned. He was named after my Father (Mark), so that was also very special.  All would be ok, in time, as we learned to truly embrace our son, and trust God every step of the way with our little miracle baby. 

We now had a third son, a boy who was given to us as a blessing, yet we had no idea how that would turn our lives inside out, upside down , all the while learning to navigate, discover, advocate, and support a new understanding of what it means to have an "extra" chromosome. 

FOR NOW, we just needed to be parents, and adjust to having a little baby again, and all that comes along with that. Our boys adjusted very well, however, they had many questions and concerns obviously. Would he walk, would he talk, would he be able to go to school, play sports, make friends, even get married and drive a car!! The concerns were all "normal" and to be honest, those probably ran through my mind at one time or another. The interesting thing about our situation is that Mark Asher "looked" so normal, and acted so normal, so it all felt surreal. With the help of amazing doctors and our beloved pediatrician and OB, both being Christians and supporting LIFE, they made our fears, concerns, and questions seem legitimate and warranted. We knew that this was a walk that only a few are chosen to go on, yet the journey would prove to be the real test of time.  God must have known we were the perfect family to raise this little angel, and trust me when I say, he has brought immense JOY and LOVE, LAUGHTER and MEMORIES into our home, and that will last a lifetime.  We can't imagine our lives without him in it. 

Exactly four years ago today, on my birthday, we found out I'd be having a baby, something we'd longed for and yet it just had not happened thus far. Hence, that is the gap in our children. I think of it as if GOD was waiting for us to prepare for Mark Asher's arrival. Today, as this article is being presented in this blog, I am honored to share in such a special time of year, THE MONTH OF OCTOBER, which we celebrate as Down Syndrome Awareness Month. SO, it truly has a double blessing for me!  

Mark Asher is a normal little boy, and he is very well adjusted (figuratively, and also literally, since I'm a chiropractor!) He's so bright, very high functioning, funny as all get out, has an incredible attention span, and is extremely patient when learning new things.  He truly is a special little boy who brightens the world around him and he makes others feel loved and important too. Fortunately for Mark Asher, his love for anything musical is incredible, as his Daddy is an awesome pianist.  So, to sit and watch them play together is magical.  Mark enjoys many things as most toddlers do, but as of late, he has been attending preschool, and for that, we are very grateful. He is in a typical school where he is modeling behavior and learning one-on-one skills, learning to navigate the playground, riding all types of toys, climbing stairs, ladders, and sliding (his favorite), alongside of his wonderful Paraprofessional Educator. He is typical in so many ways, and uniquely different in others. 

While most  people are taken in by his "cuteness factor" and the "smile that is larger than life", they innately are curious about him, about raising a child who has special needs, and how I manage my life as a busy mother, wife, chiropractor, and now full time advocate for him. My answer is very simple: I take it one day at a time. I have learned to let things go that aren't important any longer, and trust the Lord with every step of my path. This experience has strengthened our marriage, taught me more patience as a parent, given all of us a greater understanding of people who have special needs, taught my children tolerance and patience, and we have all grown in our love for children with DS as we have met some of the nicest families and the support of our local DS community that is rich with love and information, as well as activities and a wealth of advocacy to glean from. Together we have formed close bonds with other DS parents, and in the month of October we gather to celebrate our special blessings in our lives with these kids. We are one big happy family. 

A dear friend recently shared with me that "we can all walk the road, not the journey!  The reason is that that journey means we understand your journey too."  The road we were chosen for, incidentally, is (for most) the road-less-traveled. The average age for a mother carrying a DS child is 26 years old, clearly not my age.  Secondly, Down Syndrome is not a genetic situation, it is a chromosomal situation. There is an "extra special" factor and occurs spontaneously approximately every 700 conceptions according to the latest in scientific research. When we heard these numbers shortly after his birth, from the head of DS in the world at Stanford, it's as if "we'd won the lottery!" And you'd only have to know and love a person with DS to know that is absolutely the truth. 

With all the interest in educational inclusion, and the majority of our population starting to become more educated about Down Syndrome because of our national and international communities worldwide, as well as our local chapters, the start of something big is just over the horizon. I for one am incredibly interested in continuing to share, advocate, learn, develop ideas, even continue to incorporate what I do as a chiropractor to help DS children (for example, helping my son to walk straight for the first time as his low muscle tone in his legs left him with a wide gait and weak stance), and come alongside of our other paraprofessionals to get the message out that there is a NEED, and a HUGE desire to incorporate all that we can to help prosper and move ahead with keeping Down Syndrome at the forefront of our communities, our school districts and educators, our county agencies, respite and care providers, our doctors and therapists, and most importantly, our beloved families of loved members with DS. It truly does "take a village" to come alongside of our children, but even today I was so excited to post a video of a gal that has DS, and has made amazing accomplishments in both personal goals as well as college goals. The sky truly is the LIMIT.  She herself was mainstreamed, never attended a special-day class, had some individual therapies along the way, benefited from a supportive family and network of providers...and she is beautiful.  I felt so encouraged because I want our son, Mark Asher, and every other child to have that same opportunity. 

MY goal in writing this article is to say this: WE all have something to offer in this life. With the proper early intervention, mainstream education or even home schooling with peers that model behaviors and speech with one-on-one learning, and an awareness that lets the world at large know that our kids matter, they have a voice, they are capable of so many things just like their typical friends if given the time and opportunities to develop.  We CAN truly change the course of history and incorporate these amazing happy and loving people that deserve the best life has to offer. We all can learn a lot from them. They love without judgement, they trust without fear, they need acceptance just like we do, and they just want to be part of this world. 

I am forever grateful that my son, Mark Asher is in our family, and his timing was perfect. He is an absolutely beautiful human being that makes every day GREAT to be alive. I hope you can see that the love and joy he brings to our lives is unmatchable. And trust me, his giggles are the best sound in the world.  Please try and find a schoolmate, a friend, a neighbor, even a person out and about that has DS, and give them a hug, a high five, or a simple smile today.  It will be a heart-to-heart exchange, and you will be forever changed...PROMISE! 

Cheers to you Laura on this your birthday and to the journey we will take together, as mothers and friends. Our destinations may be different but we will get to ride together on the same airline. I am so excited to see Mark Asher grow into the beautiful, smart, and capable boy that I all ready know he is.

Laura is a Dr of Chiropractic Medicine in Arroyo Grande, CA for the past 20+ years

A.D.I.O. Chiropractic

1054 E Grand Ave, Ste C

Arroyo Grande, California

(805) 489-1326

DSAM: Sara's Story

Sara and Liam

Down Syndrome Awareness Month gives me a beautiful opportunity to share not only my story but the stories of mother's who are raising children with Down Syndrome. It is important that we share our honest experiences in life in hopes of supporting, inspiring or generating genuine empathy for others.

Blake and Liam

Sara and I met because of our boy's 'designer genes'. It turns out that this "little something extra" comes with a whole host of benefits like instant connections with people with whom you may have otherwise not met. Sara is an Artist and Art Teacher. She is also an advocate for her son Liam and mother to the lovely Lupe. She is strongly connected to the Spanish speaking community and is a founding member of CCDSN (Central Coast Down Syndrome Network) along with myself and other fabulous mother/advocates you will meet over the coming weeks as I feature their stories.

Sara and I

Sara has graciously agreed to be the first to share her story in honor of DSAM 2015!

It’s Fall, time to start thinking about costumes and pumpkins and orange colored things.  Or pink cause it’s also Breast Cancer Awareness month.  For me, it’s also an “Awareness”month I never thought I’d be so connected to.  It’s Down Syndrome Awareness month.  There are SO many things that cross my mind every day and I could write for hours and hours. Some is positive and hopeful and some is difficult.  It’s the same roller coaster as with any child, but I definitely believe it to be more intense.  

I find myself sometimes on the defensive because I hear so many stories from others; hard stories about ignorant comments from strangers or low expectations from professionals. Part of me can’t believe it because for the most part we’ve had positive experiences .  I wonder what I would say in these situations.  Would I think on my feet fast enough to have a good response? 

And then there’s these interesting little things that happen.  The person that looks at Liam for a while- and I start to wonder what’s up- and then all of a sudden they hand him a balloon.  The preschool dad that shows special interest and then I find out he has a niece with DS.  I try to catch myself from thinking that the extra attention or the long looks are critical, but rather, that person may have a connection with Down syndrome I don’t know about.  It’s so easy to be quick to judge others and their actions or words, but we just never know where they’re coming from do we?

I wonder about the kids at school, years older than Liam that take a special interest in him, the grocery clerk that always asks after him.  I wonder if big sister notices and thinks that all little siblings receive this attention, or is it just her brother?  Is she ok with it?

Sometimes I catch myself wondering, do the comments of “Oh, he’s doing so well!” mean that he really is, or were their expectations so low that they are surprised to see him be like a normal kid?  It’s the “high” and “low” functioning thing that my friends with kids on the Autism spectrum deal with a lot.  I’m not even sure what I think of those terms.  I am constantly balancing between accepting Liam just the way he is and constantly working to help move him forward.  I guess both are necessary.  

I have learned, more than anything else, that I need to be my son’s advocate because no one else is as invested as I am in his well being.  I research and ask for things from professionals.  Me.  All the time.  It’s exhausting.  I’m tired sometimes of not being able to take the medical or educational experts advise at face value, it would be so easy. But I have to research everything myself too: I am his mom and I know him best.  I have files full of research and reports from audiologist, nutritionist, chiropractor, Ear Nose Throat Specialist, Endocrinologist, etc etc.  It never stops. And he’s basically a healthy kid!

So, here I am all over the place in my thoughts: up down up down. But Liam is doing well.  He’s in preschool now and he participates, and other kids play with him.  He comes home repeating little parts of songs.  I feel good about taking him to school and trust that he’s in the best place.  I knew it was a good fit.  When he strays from the line, other parents gently guide him back.  I didn’t have to say anything special, they just do it, because we lucked out with a nice group.  And the teachers encourage parent participation.  It’s hard to believe that if I had sent him to a Special Day Class it would not have been encouraged to stay as much as I am doing now (And I hate the meetings that constantly remind you of how delayed your child is).  That being said, if I stay to help, it’s with other kids, or helping with material prep in some other part of the room, because he doesn’t do as well when we are there!  He’s stretching his wings and testing his limits.

What I have learned with my son applies to all children, and myself as well: keep expectations high. Don’t put limits on yourself or others, keep reaching up!  And, hard work pays off.  It’s not easy, but things worth working hard for rarely are.

Thank you so much Sara for sharing your story with Evolution Revolution readers. Can you identify with Sara? leave us a comment! 

The Guest House

Angela's Oaxacan Bowl of Floral offerings, surrounded by items she collected on a hike.

As seen at a private Yin Practice at my home. 

I always leave my Yin Yoga practice inspired on some level and today was no exception. The Yogi (the inspirational Angela) read a poem from Rumi that I have been contemplating and smiling about all day! 

For those of you who are not familiar Rumi  (1207 – 17 December 1273), was a 13th-century Persian poet, jurist, Islamic scholar, theologian, and Sufi mystic. He has a big story and a rich history behind his work and wisdom His poems have been widely translated into many of the world's languages and transposed into various formats. Rumi has been described as the "most popular poet"and the "best selling poet" in the United States.   (Read More Here)

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

— Jellaludin Rumi,

Contemplate the above perspective when your next guest comes to call. Can you imagine adapting this perspective and how you would automatically shift to a place of acceptance and gratitude for all that knocks at your door? This is exactly how this poem makes me feel. I'm creating space for everything and remembering in challenging times when we don't get what we think we want, perhaps things are only being cleared out to make room for some new delight! A guest house is a wonderful analogy as we are all just passing through, accepting the non permanence and learning lessons, bound for points beyond.

There IS true POWER in PERCEPTION.

Can you feel the shift? Time to make some Rumi ...

The beautiful Yogi goddess reclining into a child's pose, one of my favorites.
Connect with Angela via her WEBSITE

DSAM 2015: Celebrate & Educate

Today kicks off DSAM or Down Syndrome Awareness Month. I'm sure many of you are "aware" (especially if you follow me on social media) of the genetic condition referred to as Down Syndrome or Trisomy 21. My son Blake was given a set of 'designer genes' and I was given a new perspective on life, truly.

This month is all about education and sharing stories. I intend on sharing the stories of my fellow mothers, educators, professionals and even a dad or two.

People with Down Syndrome are making an impact in our communities, working, learning, and contributing. The further down this road I get I wonder who is the real"slow learner" or the ones with the "disability"? More and more I don't think it is any member of the Down Syndrome community but society as a whole. For all of the advancements we have made in medicine and technology we have been as equally left behind in humanity, compassion and appreciation.

Our differences are the things that should be embraced and celebrated, not how generic or the same we can be. A homogenized culture devoid of personality and subscribing to the herd mentality. Differences are a great source of learning and an opportunity for growth for all of us. I want to explore all this and more this month as I celebrate people with Down Syndrome and my beautiful boy Blake!

For The Love ...

Greetings dear reader, I have returned from my summer hiatus from blogging just in time for Down Syndrome Awareness Month that starts tomorrow: October 1. I have been on a summer journey of turning inward, listening, experiencing and growing. We have just survived our transitions into the new season of fall and this time of the year is a beautiful time to embrace change, take life inventory and clean house; both physical and spiritual, internal and external.

A gorgeous friend of mine shared this and it resonated with me so naturally I felt compelled to digitally pay it forward. Thank You Yogi Angela.

For the love of a tree,

she went out on a limb.

For the love of the sea, 

she rocked the boat.

For the love of the earth,

she dug deeper.

For the love of community,

she mended fences.

For the love of the stars,

she let her light shine.

For the love of spirit,

she nurtured her soul.

For the love of a good time,

she sowed seeds of happiness.

For the love of the Goddess,

she drew down the moon.

For the love of nature,

she made compost.

For the love of a good meal,

she gave thanks.

For the love of family,

she reconciled differences.

For the love of creativity,

she entertained new possibilities.

For the love of her enemies,

she suspended judgment.

For the love of herself,

she acknowledged her worth.

And the world was richer for her

~Charlotte Tall Mountain

www.GrowTreeSisters.com

(image - Catrin Welz-Stein)

It is time to acknowledge all that you are, your immeasurable worth and contributions to the world. I will spend the next month doing the same for people with Down Syndrome. 

Every life has value.

Bruce Gender: Caitlyn's Real Message

Image: (Vanityfair.com by Annie Lebowitz)

The Internet has been buzzing since Vanity Fair released the images of their July Cover Girl. We bid farewell officially to Olympian Bruce Jenner and say hello to Caitlyn Jenner, gold medal winner for bravery and ironically balls.

Bruce sat down with Diane Sawyer back in April and discussed his transformation as well as all of the personal conflict and struggle he has had internally his entire life (See the story here).

The details of his journey is not necessary to re write here but Caitlyn comes to us with a message that transcends the lines of the LGBT and/or Transgender community.

Image: (Vanityfair.com by Annie Lebowitz)

Of course she is an amazing spokeswoman for the Transgender community and I don't want to take anything away from the awareness that is being raised but to me Caitlyn's message is that of authenticity and has an inclusive application. At age 65 she is now beginning to live her authentic life. Imagine waiting so long? I'm sure most of you can as many people I know don't live authentically, not 100% anyway. 

Society and the judgement of others has such a strangle hold on people. Working in the fashion industry I see it in my clients all the time.  A great example is the moment when  someone is authentically or naturally drawn to something, a piece of clothing or an accessory. It kind of goes like this,

"Oh, I love this" ... BUT

But society will judge me.

But someone will say something hurtful or rude to me.

But no one will understand.

But I have no where to wear it.

Its a kin to a what if but its what I call a BUT IF, AKA an excuse.

Let's get real: " Society" or "they" will always be judgemental. Do you really put the opinions of strangers above your own? Recognize it is your OWN fear and take your power back.

Someone may say something hurtful or rude to you or about you, but if you don't believe it, who cares? What others think of you is none of your business.

Someones lack of understanding is their issue, not yours. You cannot be responsible for what someone does or doesn't 'get'. You can attempt to educate but let your energy to convert go no further, you need it for being fabulous.

Lastly, from a person who wears sequins to the grocery store, trust me when I confirm YOU can make "Hollywood", "New York" or wherever else you deem appropriate,wherever you are in the world in that moment. In other words there is a place to wear everything you have in your closet, right here, right now if you so choose. 

Image: (Vanityfair.com by Annie Lebowitz)

What Caitlyn has done is started an important dialogue. The press and social media is bogged down with all the details of unimportance like; fake tits, photo shop, shaved adam's apple, reality show, fame whore, Kardashian who gives a fuck?

Her Message (from my perspective):

1) The dialogue that has been started about the legitimacy of gender dysphoria. It is recognized in the DSM-5, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (by the American Psychiatric Association) as a very REAL condition. "DSM-5 aims to avoid stigma and ensure clinical care for individuals who see and feel themselves to be adifferent gender than their assigned gender. It replaces the diagnostic name “gender identity disorder”with “gender dysphoria,” as well as makes other important clarifications in the criteria. It is importantto note that gender nonconformity is not in itself a mental disorder. The critical element of gender dysphoriais the presence of clinically significant distress associated with the condition." I personally feel people are born the way they are born and it is not necessarily a "mental disorder", however if the DSM acknowledgement will get the Trans community the clinical support they need then I view this as positive and a resource to use as education.

2) The discussion about women. There is much talk online about what it means to be a woman, the issues we face as a gender and our unique set of circumstances. It has also shed some light on how far we have come but also how far we still have to with respect to equal pay for equal work, the scrutiny we are under for our appearance and unique pressures we face as women.

3) Authenticity: People are complaining (mostly religious hypocrites and the ignorant) about being a scam and a lot of people feel that they have the exceptional ability to speak for "god" and knows what "god wants". WOW! Maybe they can give me lottery numbers too? Being who you are ALWAYS comes with some kind of risk or cost. Here the cost has been, thus far, "hurting" the people that she loves and who love her. But let's consider what is gained? A life of non-deception, freedom of expression, freedom of choice that aligns with your authentic self or what I call your source. An authentic sense of happiness and radiating positive energy to those closest to her. When you are authentically happy you can feel it, as can others. A chance to really look at oneself, at the source and become what YOU want. She is also another example of money not bringing happiness. She is extremely wealthy and famous yet she spent decades struggling and living a lie. No money can buy the peace that living an authentic life can provide.

4) Courage and/or Bravery: This discussion about being brave and having courage to stand up in the face of the uncompassionate, ignorant masses. She is receiving the Arthur Ashe Courage award at the ESPYS in July.  Being honest is not always easy and one risks ridicule, hurt, and backlash. for Caitlyn this is on a much grander scale because she is in the public eye. Regardless of who you are there is always some level of risk/cost involved with honesty which could explain why so many people are not.

5) Tolerance and Respect: You do not have to agree with someones choices or understand them to be respectful. At the very least you should respect someones right to choose. In this instance of legitimate gender dysphoria I don't personally believe that Caitlyn had a choice per se. I feel she was born Caitlyn but named Bruce. She did choose, after a long battle to conform to the herd (society) to take the courage to finally become Caitlyn and live authentically.

6) Education: Educating people is the key to Tolerance and Respect. I have a son with Down Syndrome and I can't even believe how ignorant and unaccepting people still are even though this is the most common "chromosomal disorder". I can't even image how it is for people in the Trans Gender community.  Education "normalizes" issues and people who are perceived to not fit into the herd or society's view on how generic we should all be to coexist. The more Caitlyn is out there, the more people are forced to read about, look at and examine my points above.

7) Inspiration.: Caitlyn's story should serve to inspire us ALL. Imagine gender lines and assignments melting away and we all look at ourselves and our source as humans. The authenticity and bravery discussed above has been enough to inspire me. Think of the people who are still living lies. Perhaps this story has helped them come clean and live authentically. There is truly nothing more powerful, even if the story helps one person. She is leading by example and through bold and powerful action, not just words. I feel we are all here, in this shared  life experience with the ability to assist and help others. Service to others comes in many forms, today it comes in the form of a woman. 

Thank you Caitlyn and welcome to your new life.

Judgment: Not For Me

Lady Justice

My husband is back with his second guest blog about judgment (If you missed his first post read it HERE). We all do it, GUILTY as charged. 

What we want you to think about is how your judgments of others impacts YOUR life and energy. 

David share's his personal experience and the tools he uses to overcome the socially embedded 

judgment of others.

I would like to invite you to participate in a practice that I have found to be very beneficial in reducing negativity in my life.  To start I would like to state that I have been guilty of being consistently judgmental without giving it much thought or realization.  In today’s western culture I am but one of the herd in stating this.  

What, me judgmental?  No you must have me confused with so and so.  She is always spreading gossip.  And me, well I am just stuck there listening.  Listen I donate to good causes, I am always there to lend an ear while offering good advice.  I care about my loved ones and go out of my way to support the good in life.   Well guess what?  There is a bit more to our story.  To dive a little deeper I had some fun with this and asked several people who I am frequently around if they were judgmental.  Unsurprisingly most of them said no.    Ironically while judging them on their judgments I saw quite the contrary.  Think about that one for a second? 

Before I go on I would like to hone in on what I am talking about.  I am not talking about big ticket issues that raise major concerns such as child abuse, wars, or even in some cases politics (I will stay away from religions as well).  I am talking about the snap judgments made in so many moments that make up daily life.  

“Learn how to drive you inconsiderate idiot!  Did you just see that guy?”  Moments later I cut someone off while answering my cell phone looking up to see a homeless person with their sign.  I think to myself your sign should say “Give me some of your hard earned money so I can sit on my lazy ass and buy drugs and alcohol”.  I would constantly judge without recognizing any real intention.  This was often just based on appearance even when I didn’t have any knowledge of the person I was looking at.  I didn’t even realize that I was guilty of this.  It had become second nature.  I always felt like a loving and compassionate person yet I would behave this way daily.  My mind would say, “Wow look at that fake chick, fake everything and I bet the nice car is paid for by her husband who aspired to marry the trophy wife”.  My next thought would be of something completely different as though that is perfectly normal (by the way what is normal?).

Even though some of our judgments may be accurate they really are not promoting a well-balanced sense of peace and acceptance.  My personal experience is that these thoughts brought me unhealthy tension.  

In a society with so much judgment it has been ingrained into much of our daily thinking.  Take a moment to ponder the media and advertising especially as it relates to women.  You are expected to have unblemished skin, little to no body fat, a perfect nose, have a big title, make six figures a year, wear designer clothes, have perfect obedient children and the list goes on and on.  Don’t like the color of your eyes?  No worries we can fix that. Don’t like your breasts?  we can fix that too.  As a matter of fact we will suck the fat right off your body so you don’t have to lift a finger just pay the tab.  I see so many good people striving for improvement in their appearance and material lives just to be accepted and not judged in a negative manner.  Many of these people come to realize much later on that they have missed out on life’s precious moments putting forth so much energy into this.

  

Finally I came to a place in my journey where I realized I needed to address this behavior and thought process.  I won’t go on and list the many examples in conversations I have had with others sharing the commonality in judging others to make ourselves feel superior.  It’s ironic as many of these behaviors being judged we have been guilty of at some point in our own lives.  Most of it is just plain old gossip and ends up hurting others.  As I became more aware of this negative energy I was putting out I became disgusted in how judgmental I was.  Being a father and a business owner I wanted to be a better role model and curve my thoughts to a more positive avenue.

Okay so enough already, you get the big picture! My solution is the simple mantra, “It’s not for me to judge”.  I recite this every time I recognize I am judging others in a negative context. I say it to myself or out loud during a time where a conversation or thoughts turns judgmental.  When I refer to a negative context it does not apply to when I think highly of someone which can be viewed as a judgment in and of itself.  This does not feel like I am judging them as much as it feels more like recognition, inspiration or support.  I notice this has more to do with admiration and love rather than snap judgments based on appearance or unwelcome behaviors.  

When someone is being intentionally disrespectful engaging in their motive only causes me anger and negative energy hence they are successful in bringing me down.  When I say my mantra “It’s not for me to judge”, I quickly move on to thoughts that aligned with my authentic self.  In taking the high road I instantly feel a sense of internal peace and renewed health.  As I practice this application to avoid judgment I often experience a feeling of invincibility.  No longer is it easy for people to get under my skin.  After all it is not for me to judge their behavior.  This way of thinking creates more heightened awareness and a surplus energy. I noticed the negativity in others dissipating as when I simply stopped engaging with their judgments they become frustrated and put their toxic energy elsewhere.   

Next time you recognize a snap judgment rising up in your thoughts squash it to oblivion with the simple statement “It’s not for me to judge”.  Ahhhh, now doesn’t that feel good?  Not only does it feel good it empowers you by eliminating the negative energy suck that stewing on things produces.  Enjoy and share your success with others. If you choose not to, well, “it’s not for me to judge”.

David Hergenroeder