Soul Sunday: Customize Your Spiritual Journey

I wanted to share this piece written by actress, author and friend, Kristen Johnston. She inspires me with her honesty, the time she takes to connect with others and her candidness with everyone she comes in contact with. She is silent no longer about her addiction and recovery which has served to help a great many people.  If you really get honest, we are all in recovery of some kind. From our past,  various substances, people, choices etc. We are also all on our own unique journey, a spiritual journey that we customize. On her 7th anniversary of sobriety (March 10) she shared the following story about her spiritual journey, something we can call relate to on some level.

I'm writing because 7 years ago today I walked into rehab a shivering, mortified, miserable, drunk & high mess. I went to The Meadows, in Wickenburg, Arizona...a town out of the old west, with cowboys, Indians and old storefronts like a set from 'High Noon.' 

I couldn't believe it, but I actually saw tumbleweeds blowing across the dusty road as we pulled in. It was a Sunday, so there was only one Nurse who took her sweeeeeet time checking me in. I was utterly dreading the opiate withdrawals, and begged her for something to offset the symptoms. However, she insisted I was WAY more of an alcoholic, and made me take Librium instead. I wandered around the rest of the evening in a dark murky haze, slurring my words & barely able to walk. NEVER check in to rehab on a Sunday.

Anyway, a friend who's struggling recently wrote me to say he knows he needs to stop drinking, but the thought of the spiritual journey it would take to get well was overwhelming to him. This reminded me of something that happened to me 7 years ago, and I decided to share it with the 3 of you still following me.

Once I got over the shock of being in rehab, I began to notice that people kept talking about things like "my spiritual journey" "higher power" and "god." I racked my brain, desperate to find a loophole 

so I could suspend my disbelief in this "faith" shit. 

The message I was getting was if I didn't, I'd never stay sober.

Having gone to Catholic grade school for 8 years, God & religion to me meant punishment, judgement, scratchy uniforms, miserable old priests, nuns who hated me, constant torment from schoolmates & endless, droning masses. 

I left believing in nothing. Kind of the opposite of a 'Born again.' 'Dead Again'?

There was this spiritual counselor at The Meadows who I avoided like the plague, for obvious reasons. Also, she wore tons of enormous turquoise rings on every plump finger, feather earrings, Birkenstocks, and stank like patchouli. 

As if her occupation & hairy legs weren't enough, she topped the whole look off with a PERMED MULLET. Yes, my friends. A full-on biz/front, partay/back. BUT WITH TIGHT CURLS.

When I'd see her in the cafeteria, I'd stop whatever I was doing & stare at her, imagining the discussions she had at her hair salon.

"Hi, Louise. Same as last time, but could you make the curls even tighter? I have a date Friday."

A few weeks into my stay there, she gave the Friday evening group lecture. 

I was surprised and a bit ashamed at myself when I discovered she was incredibly smart, quick witted & dry. I actually really liked her, and she had survived the death of a child, her husband's suicide and stage 4 breast cancer. Oh, and alcoholism. All with a sense of humor. My kinda gal.

Two days later, I was on my early evening walk to kill time/not smoke, and I happened to walk by her open door. She was at her computer. I knocked, not even sure why or what I was going to say.

"C'min" 

"Hi, Sorr-" She held her hand up, not looking at me.

I stood there for about 3 minutes while she typed. I've never been good with silences, especially back then. I saw the Dreamcatcher above her desk & suddenly deeply regretted being there. I could hear the evening Volleyball game in the distance. I wish I hadn't...

"Hi Kristen. What's up?" She was looking at me expectantly.

"Hi...um, sorry, I, umm....well,I was thinking today and, um.....well, I'm sure you can't answer this....?" I said hopefully. 

She just smiled and waited. I looked at her dreamcatcher & took a deep breath.

"Ok. So everyone talks about spirituality & God here, and for many reasons I don't believe in any of it. I WANT to, but I'm sorry, I just can't & I'm worried I won't get sober if I don't."

I couldn't believe I was crying. "I guess I was wondering - what's been weighing on me is....what exactly IS a spiritual journey, and how do you start one?"

She smiled.

"You're already on one. You started the minute you asked that question."

"I know, but...Wait. Really?"

She laughed.

"Yes, Kristen. A Spiritual Journey is just being curious, asking questions & trying to find the right answers for you."

I can't put into words the relief I felt. I left her office with such hope in my heart. Hope that maybe, just maybe this was possible....that I could live my life sober, but still be me.

Before, the words "Spiritual Journey" always made me picture some lonely gal who watched way too much Oprah. Or a very thin, dirty bearded man who wandered the desert for weeks with no food or water, wearing nothing but a cloth diaper.

Or people who go to Church everyday, and have the Bible memorized.

Or people who attend self-help seminars every weekend.

Or people who hang dreamcatchers above their desks.

But it has nothing to do with any of that.

It's simply searching for our own answers, and trying every day to learn from our mistakes, forgive ourselves for ours & others for theirs....mostly, it's learning how to love ourselves no matter what.

In these past eight years, I've made many mistakes. The road to sanity is not smooth. No one's journey is the same, and sometimes our paths require us to make choices others don't understand or agree with.

And the minute I began to accept that, I began to let go. 

After a lifetime of drugs, alcohol, disappointing people, hurting loved ones, lying, people-pleasing, despising myself, so much heartbreak and sorrow...

Today I'm proud to be 8 years sober, I'm proud that I'm no longer 'Dead Again,' I'm proud of the person I'm still becoming and I'm proud that I actually like who I am. And sometimes, on a foggy day and I squint, I even love myself.

Not enough to buy a dreamcatcher, but still...

KJo

PURCHASE HER BOOK: GUTS

Letters for LIFE: Help Make SLAM A Reality

What a concept. Putting pen to paper instead of finger to keyboard or thumbs to phone screen. Remember the days of the thank you note, complaint letter or the hand written greeting? I do and to me there in nothing more powerful than a physical letter in your hands. E-mails are fine in the moment but to make an impression, I like the old fashioned LETTER.

When asked by my friend and brilliant author/actress Kristen Johnston what could possibly be done to get the attention of the New York City board of education in regard to her vision: SLAM ,I immediately thought of an old fashioned letter writing campaign. Others on her Facebook Page had the same thoughts as I and we are ready to put pen to paper for her and SLAM. She has worked tirelessly for the last 6 years to make this dream a reality. Now it's OUR turn to help!

We NEED YOU to write a letter to the NYC Board of Education in support of SLAM (Sober Learning and Motivation). Letters can be either legibly hand written or typed.

The letters need to contain the following:

1) FACTS about teen addiction (provided below). Or any others that are RELEVANT and CREDIBLE. Cite your sources.

2) Intelligent communication and not emotion.

3) Illustration as to WHY New York NEEDS this school supported by the facts above.

4) Use a personal story, if and where applicable to support the need for a school like SLAM

5) Mention Kristen Johnston's hard work, with over six years of effort put into this project.

The letters DO NOT NEED:

1) Foul language

2) Quantity over Quality. It does not have to be LONG. Include the facts and your opinion. 

3) Emotional Opinions or anything that resembles anger.  An assertive and direct approach is what will keep their attention. Stick to the facts.

You don't have to live in New York to write a letter and support this campaign. 

This is a HUMAN issue and not a geographical one. 

SOME FACTS:

"Drug use among Teens is a national health crisis. 9 out of every 10 chemically dependent Americans started smoking, drinking or drugging before age 18".

“Half of all High School students currently use addictive substances."

--The National Center on Addiction & Substance Abuse (CASA)

“It is essential to begin to address the disease of substance abuse as early as possible. At 20, 25 years old … it’s too late. Not for sobriety, of course. But too late to stop the terrible negative toll Addiction will take on their lives, and ours, for years to come.”

--Dr. Scott Beinenfield, NYC Addiction Psychiatrist

“SLAM has to succeed. Without it, hundreds of NYC kids will be incarcerated – or die. My son nearly died of his addiction, which began in high school. I WISH I’d found a school like SLAM when he was a Teen. Instead, he went from rehab to rehab, relapse to relapse, ER to ER. Tragically, there’s no such school in New York City. What SLAM is doing can help countless numbers of children grow up to productive and fulfilling lives.”

David Sheff, NY Times Best-selling Author of ‘Beautiful 

Boy’ & 'Clean' 

"9 in 10 addictions BEGIN IN HIGH SCHOOL"

—The CDC

In Manhattan, aside from many regular public & private schools, 

there also high schools devoted to: LBTQ kids, construction, technology, law, asian studies, hospitality management, food & finance, science, French, fashion, economics, environmental studies, sign language, many schools devoted the arts: performing, music, directing, writing, composing, art, photography, etc. WHY NOT ADDICTION?

There are many, many schools focused on technology. as The NY DAILY NEWS wrote on Dec 2013: "New York City has been ramping up its focus on STEM — science, technology, engineering and mathematics — to better prepare the city for the global economy. "

Kristen writes, "These are all WONDERFUL schools. I'm so glad they exist. 

Except many of NYC's teens are in a silent crisis no one will discuss.

I JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY NYC REFUSES TO CREATE A SOBER HIGH SCHOOL."Especially if you realize there are 35 recovery high schools in US. 4 in Boston area alone. There are ZERO in NYC or New York State."

We can all lend a hand to the work Kristen has done. Together we may be able to make a difference or at the very lease get the Board of Educations attention.

I want their desk to look like this:

ALL Letters are to be sent to this campaign as they will be forwarded with a cover letter written by Kristen.

Mail your letter to: 

SLAM, 332 Bleecker street, NY, NY, 10014

** att: "SLAM letter campaign" on envelope***

LETTERS ARE DUE BY MARCH 1st

Write the Letters To:

Ms. Carmen Fariña (the brand new Chancellor) and/or  to NYC's Board Of Education.

The letters will take moments of your time and a stamp. This pales in comparison to the impact YOU can have on the lives of addicted youth and their families.

PLEASE SHARE THIS POST AND SPREAD THE WORD.

If you decide no to write the letter, not prioritize this small task or help out SLAM ....

Got GUTS? Buy A Shirt

Wearing GUTS on your t-shirt is the fashion equivalent of wearing your heart on your sleeve to support kids and sobriety. Emmy award winning actress, author, friend and all around funny broad Kristen Johnston has spilled her GUTS about her addiction in her amazing memoir: "Guts: the endless follies and tiny triumphs of a giant disaster”   Through sharing her story she has been able to bring the disease of addiction into an area of social dialogue through various social media outlets and through the press. She is not the patron saint of addiction or your new digital counsellor. She is an honest person who is doing her best to help others by sharing her experiences, resources, and providing an interactive dialogue about this disease and social issues surrounding it... The rest of the work is up to YOU.

She is also trying tirelessly to create the FIRST sober high school in New York via SLAM NYC (SLAM: Sobriety, Learning and Motivation).  Let's ALL be HONEST. We all know someone who is addicted to something. I have several family members and friends who suffer from various forms and degrees of addiction. It has effected me, my relationships and my life. The point is, this issue effects us ALL, each in our own way. Therefore this cause is one that we can all identify with. I think of my children and wonder what their future holds. Should they fall down the black hole of this disease I would want a place like SLAM and a sober, safe place for them to get a chance at a productive education and life. The children attending this school belong to parents who love them and want the best for them as we all want for our kids. The least we could do is support them by spending a mere $35 on a cool t-shirt! The shirt is super soft jersey and the logo's are printed on high quality American Apparel garment. The front image depicts Kristen in the height of her addiction. It is NOT intended to support or endorse smoking in any way but is an honest image from a moment in time.

DID YOU KNOW? Drug use among Teens is a national health crisis.

 9 out of every 10 chemically dependent Americans started smoking, drinking or drugging before age 18.

Half of all High School students currently use addictive substances.

That’s 6.1 MILLION kids.

(National Center on Addiction & Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University)

Their goal is to SELL 300 Shirts to support their mission to save kids lives.  They need to sell 69 more, with 3 days to go! (well 68 because I just purchased mine).

KRISTEN'S TOP 3 REASONS TO SUPPORT THIS CAUSE:

1. We need a sober school because right now, if a kid wants a safe, drug & stigma-free education, they have to move to BOSTON. (They have FOUR)

2. Drug use among teens is exploding, and according to Govt surveys, drug use among NYC kids are higher than almost anywhere else.

3. The most important reason is: 9 out of 10 addictions begin in teen years. If we don't begin to address these kids issues now, the world will be exposed to more & more addicts. Addiction already costs us over 300 BILLION a year. Drugs kill more per year than GUNS. More per year than CAR ACCIDENTS.

Drugs are now the #1 cause of death in ERs.

Kristen is seriously committed to this cause and assures me every cent goes to making this school a reality. Her long term goal is to create these schools across the country. Hopefully other countries in the world will follow suit and save their kids.

Shirts are currently available in the US only ($5 to ship - approx two weeks for delivery). However, Kristen has something up her sleeve for the international people who would like to help SLAM. Stay Tuned ......

I got a t-shirt last time and rocked it out my way! You can do the same. The t-shirts are available in YS-3XL

Got GUTS? Prove it. Buy a shirt and post a comment below!

Calling out the Horse S^%T

Actress/Author Kristen Johnston with her NYClass Award

Wearing Tory Burch Lace dress & Evolution Rewind Ring

The Internet never disappoints with  it's wealth of information and the wide range of writers who are providing news, entertainment and some less than factual pieces cloaked in insensitive commentary desperate to inspire a laugh.  My friend Kristen Johnston was the latest casualty of a feeble attempt to get a laugh. Writer for the New York Observer, Charlotte Lytton wrote recently about her experience at a NYClass Gala that honored Johnston and her work to fight the use of carriage horses in New York. A cause that I fully support and is a shameful practice that would make the angels literally weep to see the treatment of these beautiful animals and their living conditions, so visitors can get their asses carted around the city. I will discuss the issue further in an upcoming blog.

It was the last event I would have thought that would have inspired such an article. I wanted to highlight the poor journalism and conjecture Ms. Lytton supplied to her readers when saying "Ms. Johnston's boozy proclamations made the event's emcee Pamela Anderson seem, dare we say, rather demure."  This statement following a ton of not so kind jabs at Kristen's book GUTS, making light of Kristen's brush with death and her addiction, saying; "Ms. Johnson almost lost her life mid-pee which really could have elevated her to Elvis levels of fame". From where I sit I found her comments to be very insensitive and not funny. The death of Elvis Presley was another tragedy linked to addiction and I am shocked someone would even use it as a reference for a laugh. I'm also sure Ms. Lytton he is famous more much more than the circumstances surrounding his untimely death. 

Ok, so time to call horse shit on what Ms. Lytton implied in her article; Kristen is SOBER and has not had a drink in 6 years. I could see how you would get her "boozy proclamations" confused with her real raw honesty, as someone would have to be drinking to be as candid and honest like Kristen is, right? Not so much. Kristen is one of the most unapologeticly honest people I have had the pleasure to meet in our politically correct, BS, faux, generic society. Both her strength and her vulnerability inspires many people.

Kristen has responded to the article publicly and demanded an apology and retraction. The comments are counter productive to the message she is sending in her book GUTS and to all those the book has inspired and yes it was a New York Time's Best Seller.

I would be proud to stuff my Christmas stocking's with GUTS as it is a well written, honest memoir about her journey. A journey we can ALL relate to on some level if we are honest with ourselves. In fact I actually did send a copy to my mother (read the article in the NY Observer HERE to get the complete picture).   I love a laugh as much as the next person but I honestly don't get the humor in the article about her sobriety or about the cause of the horses in general. So sad the high point of the evening for Ms. Lytton was the Joan Jett and the Blackheart performance, I guess you "love Rock N Roll" more than the horses :(

I hear there is an opening at the National Enquirer Charlotte, lets get your writing at a publication that is the same calibre shall we?

NOTE *While composing this blog the article was pulled from the NY Observer's Webstite and "Corrected"*

The Gift Of GUTS: Kristen Johnston

Image: David Khinda

She has made us ALL LAUGH with her acting chops, her insanely hilarious physical comedy line delivery and now has used her own words and GUTS to give an honest glimpse into her private life of success and substance abuse. Turns out Kristen Johnston is not only an Emmy award winning actress and a statuesque stunner but she is also a wonderful author and an addict in recovery.  Her New York Times best selling book "GUTS, the endless follies and tiny triumphs of a giant disaster" candidly and comically chronicles her road to fame, addiction and recovery. What I appreciated about the book was not only it's clever title GUTS which has a double meaning in both a figurative and literal sense but Kristen shines a light on the fact that we are ALL in this together and addicted to something. Also every word was penned by Kristen herself. It is a memoir about HER life in HER own words which in a literary sea saturated with celeb bio's and books is extremely unique and RARE.  No ghost writer here and I have it on good authority that she is one of the only celebs to pen her own memoir for which she immediately has my respect. She and I share the belief that only brutal honestly, accountability and sheer GUTS is the only way to heal and evolve. Let's be honest WE are ALL on the path to recovery on some level.

Book Cover & Me in bed w GUTS

I had the sincere pleasure of having a candid conversation with Kristen recently. She had me laughing, crying and then laughing some more. I can relate to her in several ways and strangely felt like I was talking to an old friend.

LG: What has been the most challenging/difficult part of the writing process?

KJO: "Interestingly enough it was the introduction. Which I literally wrote and re-wrote hundreds of times up until the last minute. I knew that it had to set the stage tonally for the book. First and foremost I know there are a lot of celebrity addiction memoirs so I was like, god I can't be another one of those. I also know that because I have been out of the public eye for so long, who knows what they thought of me at the time. They have not seen me for a long time, they probably think all celebrities are fed grapes and have a manni/peddi every morning. The bottom line is I'm just a hard working actress. I don't have a posse and I don't have handlers. My goal with the introduction was to introduce me as who I am, without saying HI I'm Kristen (Laughs). I wanted to get everybody on the same playing field regarding addition. I really wanted people to understand  that I'm not just talking to them as some actress in Hollywood. Some spoiled bitch who is so bored she has to take drugs. I'm talking to them as their sister, their cousin, their mailman, as their boss, everybody who has addiction. We are all the same." 

LG: Are you surprised with the amount of feedback you have received?

KJO: "90% of the response has been really great. The coolest part about GUTS for me is the feedback that is on the GUTS website, go to the Q&A section and see what I'm talking about. A lot of the feedback is from people who have a loved one who is an addict and that they have never understood addiction until they read my book. I'm surprised with the level of interaction and how much I care and I really do. I have to remember as an addict that I don't have all the answers.  It is ok that when someone reaches out to me in desperate straights it is ok to say I don't know how to help you"

 Image: David Khinda

LG: How has writing the book helped YOU?

KJO: "It has changed everything for me. It has certainly changed my whole view on life, on people, on sobriety. My understanding of sobriety was that you are either with AA or against AA. Now I have this great understanding about it does not have to be like counting the days of sobriety and the pressure it puts on you that if you have a relapse you have to start over. Can you imagine having four years of sobriety and then you  fuck up and go out and drink, or you cut, or you eat .. whatever your thing is, and have to start over - DAY 1. It is deflating and it is debilitating and I think it keeps people sick. I have also been very vocal about the second A - anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous was developed in the 30's when it was socially unacceptable to be honest. My point is; look if you want to keep it quiet, keep it quiet dude, non of my business but as I say at the end of the book - talk about it. Tell your boss you are struggling, it needs to become like "I have cancer" and it still isn't."

We talked a lot about honesty and gave her my two cents on how society does not encourage people to live by the truth but instead to shroud themselves with lies. She wholeheartedly agreed and went on to say "Everybody is a liar. We are taught that it is better to lie. People don't want to hear about it (truth/addiction), they would rather we keep quiet and stay in church basements and have our little cold Styrofoam coffee cup and walk down the block without eye contact .. FUCK THAT, I'm not going to do that anymore.  Why should I be ashamed of seeking help?" 

Image: David Khinda

She read me a story and letter to me from a 22 year old addict who's counsellor gave him GUTS to read in rehab after all other methods of treatments are unsuccessful. It changed his life and perspective and gave him hope that he could get well and that he was worth something.  He said "Thank you Miss Johnston, you don't know me but you may have just saved my life". It literally left me in tears and was so moving.

LG: What do you tell someone who asks how to approach or help their loved one who is an addict?

KJO: I wrote an article for TheFixx.com called "I ain't No Miss Sobriety" which will totally answer your question. 

She is working a project called SLAM (Sobriety, Learning and Motivation) to bring a "Sober School" to NYC and is 5 years into the process. There are currently over 30 sober high schools in the US (4 of which are in Boston) but nothing like it in New York. A lot of road blocks and hurdles ahead but Kristen and her team are on the road to getting this school opened. The statistics were unbelievable.  Kristen shared "ONE in every THREE teenagers meet the medical criteria for addiction". According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration 1 out of every 70 teens are admitted to rehab but when put back into a regular school post-treatment 80% will relapse in the first 90 days.  Kristen feels like this stat is realistically more like 90% or higher. She wants to provide a place that New York teens can get educated in an environment that promotes a lifestyle of recovery and success. You can help!  Go to SLAM's website to make a donation.

Kristen as Holly in the Exes

The world fell in love with Kristen years ago for her role as Sally on "3rd Rock From The Sun", on various world theatrical stages, for her numerous television and film roles (remember her Sex & The City Character Lexi?) and more recently for her Hilarious character Holly on the hilarious TV Land show "The Exes". I have personally fell in love with who she REALLY is thanks to her GUTS. She is flawed and fabulous, brash and beautiful, honest and hilarious. I'm excited to see/watch/read what she has in store for the world next. I don't know about you but I would like a front row seat.  Thank you Kristen for giving the world the gift of GUTS. Take a bow baby! BRAVO!

Connect with Kristen: 

TWITTER

GUTS Facebook Page

GUTS The Book

Kristen take's a bow in her FAB Valentino mini dress on the set of The Exes

Time to hoist those freak flags and SPILL YOUR GUTS 

Tell Kristen and I a story from your life that took GUTS to face, overcome, or acknowledge. The best stories are the RAW HONEST ones and we want to hear yours! Comment below.

KJo on the set of Jimmy Fallon. 

The Fabulous Flip off w her REWIND ring.