TINOGONA: Dr. Tererai Trent

Making a commitment to myself and deciding to push through personal boundaries can yield the most profound and unexpected gifts. This weekend I spent in Ojai, California at The Empowered Authors Academy hosted by the dynamic, authentic, publishing powerhouse of Enliven Books Zhena Muzyka. I will chronicle my thoughts and feelings about this weekend in an upcoming post.

I wanted to share one of the MANY amazing humans I had the pleasure of sharing a room with over the last 2 days, the beautiful Dr. Tererai Trent.

Dr. Trent's story is nothing short of incredible! She evolved from living as an abused child bride (age 11)  in a small village in Zimbabwe, under poverty conditions that we spoiled westerners could not even fathom, to dreaming what seemed to everyone else an impossible dream of hope and education. She wanted a life with access to education, plenty to eat and peace. Her mother and grandmother supported the belief that she held the power to change her life and realize all of her dreams.

BUY THE BOOK HERE

She wrote a brilliantly illustrated children's book called "The Girl Who buried her dreams in a can" that tells her story to the girls she is now empowered to uplift. I acquired the book yesterday for my 8 year old daughter and I am so excited to be able to share it with her.

Not only did Dr. Trent realize her dream of acquiring an education (a bachelors degree, two master's degrees, a PhD and 4 honorary degrees) she has inspired thousands of women and girls to reach for their dreams, never letting the bleakest of situation, towering odds or geographical restrtictions stop them from dreaming and living the lives they want.

Dr. Trent is Oprah's ALL TIME favorite guest and received a gratitude gift from lady O herself to the tune of 1.5 million dollars to build schools in Zimbabwe, thousands are now being given access to education because of Dr. Trent's sacrifices, vision, dedication and hard work!

She is currently writing her memoir soon to be published by Enliven Books! I cannot WAIT to get my hands on what I know will be a national and global BEST SELLER.

WITH SINCERE GRATITUDE to you Dr. Trent for inspiring me to not only make all the dreams I have held silent into a reality by sharing my unique voice but showing me through both your word and deed TINOGONA - It is achievable! When we unite our voices as women, empower and inspire one another there is truly nothing that we cannot accomplish.

Make a donation to Dr. Trent's Foundation

DSAM: Para Perfection

First Day Of School

The last two days of Down Syndrome Awareness Month I saved for two of my favorite people. Today I have the pleasure of introducing one of my best friends, mother of 3, teacher and now para educator to my son. As a parent of a child with different abilities navigating the education system is exhausting, frustrating and daunting to say the least. The school assessments and IEP Meeting (IEP = Individual Education Plan) where all of the experts use the opportunity to discuss all of the things "wrong" with your child, all of their weaknesses and how they fail to 'measure up' to the performance of their peers, one emerges from the darkness shaken and quite frankly disgusted. By one I mean me. At the end of the day Blake received the placement he deserved and I was charged with finding the perfect para educator for him. Truly without hesitation I thought of my friend and highly skilled, credentialed teacher Jensine. Thankfully the planets were aligned as she was available and willing to dive into these uncharted waters with us. There is no one that I would rather be on this (or any) journey with. 

First Day Of School

She has kindly shared her thoughts and feelings about being Blake's bridge between him and his peers, his voice as he learns to find his own and also his friend who TRULY has his best interest at heart and cares about his progress, no matter what the pace so long as it is forward. With her love and guidance it has been. I know it is not an easy job but I appreciate it more than any words could possible capture or articulate. She along with thousands of para educators and educational aide's are providing an essential service to our society. They are opening their hearts and utilizing their skill sets to address the educational needs of a marginalized community who administrators would rather lock away and forget about. It is because of Jensine that Blake will be able to learn and grow in a traditional classroom setting and not in a contained classroom. He will not come of age to live in a "contained" world so I personally find it preposterous that he is to be 'educated' in one. She will have my heartfelt gratitude FOREVER.

Blake and I are well into our second year at UMCC together.  I have known Blake since he was an infant, when his mother and I became fast friends (I had just had a baby as well).  I always remember Blake trying to keep up with his dear older sister, Kaleigh. He has always been such a lover, too. I mean, this little guy will steal your heart in a split second with a loving gaze and sweet smile, followed by the most sincere, back-patting embrace.  So while I have known Blake for years, it wasn’t until I acquired the position as his para educator, now I can truly say that I really know him. What a gift that is. 

To be a part of Blake’s education has given me a chance to connect with a beautiful boy, who happens to have Down Syndrome.  He is honest, genuine, and unfiltered. If only I could use his unique talent to politely get rid of somebody by simply waving, while saying “Buh-bye!”  He is passionate and deliberate in anything he wants to do.  Whether it be independently navigating and climbing an elevated bridge with a giant hole in the center, or not wanting to cooperate during a transition in class, Blake is quite the determined youngster. 

To be present for and to celebrate Blake’s milestones and victories, is nothing short of amazing. He has grown so much since attending a mainstream preschool where Blake is well liked by the staff and all of children that Blake attends school with.  Blake will play with anyone, but has several best buds at school that prefer to seek out and play with him.  A few of his friends enjoy recognizing new skills that Blake masters and new words that they hear him say. What a pleasure to witness the excitement when one friend runs toward me from across the playground to announce, “Blake said /k/! He is trying to say ‘Kal’ because he knows I’m his friend!”  These preschool-aged children have kind, innocent, open hearts. Inclusion benefits all parties involved.  We can all learn from one another.  What better way can we improve our society than to teach acceptance and compassion for all?

Working so closely with Blake has taught me more about persistence and patience.  In many instances, an extra second or two can make a big difference. I feel that there are great benefits in learning to take a moment before responding to people and/or events, while also granting that “wait time” to others who may need or desire that. This is just a snapshot of what I have gained and experienced while working with Blake.  I can’t even fathom what it must be like to see the world through Blakey’s eyes, but I know that being his para educator has given me unteachable insight and a vast wealth of knowledge regarding human nature and what it feels like to love without conditions.

  

DSAM 2015: Celebrate & Educate

Today kicks off DSAM or Down Syndrome Awareness Month. I'm sure many of you are "aware" (especially if you follow me on social media) of the genetic condition referred to as Down Syndrome or Trisomy 21. My son Blake was given a set of 'designer genes' and I was given a new perspective on life, truly.

This month is all about education and sharing stories. I intend on sharing the stories of my fellow mothers, educators, professionals and even a dad or two.

People with Down Syndrome are making an impact in our communities, working, learning, and contributing. The further down this road I get I wonder who is the real"slow learner" or the ones with the "disability"? More and more I don't think it is any member of the Down Syndrome community but society as a whole. For all of the advancements we have made in medicine and technology we have been as equally left behind in humanity, compassion and appreciation.

Our differences are the things that should be embraced and celebrated, not how generic or the same we can be. A homogenized culture devoid of personality and subscribing to the herd mentality. Differences are a great source of learning and an opportunity for growth for all of us. I want to explore all this and more this month as I celebrate people with Down Syndrome and my beautiful boy Blake!

Back To School: Inclusion

In a few short days I will be taking my little man Blake to his first day of preschool with his 'typical' peers. When thinking of inclusion our minds tend to think only of the student that is being included in the classroom and the obvious benefits as opposed to a 'special' contained classroom. I was reminded by another parent that there are more who benefit from the inclusion of someone with special needs in a typical classroom setting.

I took Blake to the "open house" of his new preschool. My daughter attend the same program  but they have recently obtained a new site for the school. We went to show our support to the administrator and staff as well as introduce Blake to what will be his new environment. Of course he loved it and wasted no time exploring and playing.  I ran into another mother whom I had not seen since my daughter was in preschool with her daughter. We chatted and exchanged acquaintance pleasantries. She went on to rock my world and take ANY lingering doubts away about my choice to have Blake 100% included. She Thanked ME for choosing to include Blake and pointed out how good it is for her daughter and all the other students.

I remember reading research on the benefits to the children without disabilities when I was preparing my case for the School District but to hear it first hand was a whole other level for me. It just reinforced all that I fought for was worth it and will be a benefit to both Blake and others.

Some Benefits of Inclusion for Students Without Disabilities

The Creation of Meaningful friendships.

Increased appreciation and acceptance of individual differences. Tolerance is learned and Respect is earned. When a child is exposed to people with 'differences' the fear of the unknown is removed and replaced with respect.

Increased understanding and acceptance of diversity. Limiting children's exposure only restricts their social potential.

Respect for all people. This all starts with proper models. When children see respect equally distributed across the board, despite perceived differences they are more likely to follow suit.

Prepares all students for adult life in an inclusive society. We all must co-exist in the world, inclusion lays the foundation for children.

Builds the students knowledge of various disabilities. I would like his classmates to have the FACTS about Down Syndrome so they too can act as advocates and educators to people in their lives. Only through correct information can we dissolve stereotypes and myths.

Opportunities to master activities by practicing and teaching others. It also helps build self esteem and give a sense of self mastery when a child is able to improve their skill sets as well as act as a teacher/helper to the other student(s).

Greater academic outcomes for all. Creating a sense of inclusion, cooperation and helpfulness will help everyone succeed.

All students needs are better met, greater resources for everyone. Blake will have a 1-1 Aide to assist him with speech but it is my hope that a sense of community is promoted here regarding assistance. When the class works collectively as a community to help one another overall every one's needs are better met.

To me the benefits reach even further. All of the staff can benefit from having the opportunity to teach children of all abilities and take a sense of pride for being able to assist in someones success in accessing the curriculum, learning new skills and preparing them for their future. They are in essence the instrument through which their students learn the tolerance and respect for diversity that an inclusive classroom can bring. 

I am excited for Blake to start his new school adventure. If you need me at approximately 9:10AM on Wednesday August 27th I will be pulled over, in my car sobbing!

Every time a uniquely abled child/person is included in the classroom or an other facet of society means a societal step in the right direction has taken place. I am so thrilled Blake can be a part of this movement toward respect and equality in our culture.

The Participation Trap

My second child Blake has now reached the place just prior to pre-school, known here as the time for Parent Participation or to me as the Participation Trap.

I went yesterday with reservations as I had a previously failed attempt to fully embrace the program when my daughter was small (prior to two) as the children all played independently (with no benefit that I could see) as the granola eating, over indulging mothers looked on and judged each others parenting skills or the lack thereof. After a public disagreement with one of their 'expert' guests about visual and auditory stimulation and a trip to the dairy farm that made me weep for days after I called it quits.

This time I signed up in another location hoping that geography and passed time would make a difference. One of my dearest friends reminded me 'it was time' so we each put our children into the program. Her daughter who is 5 months younger than Blake is much more advanced which I attributed much of to gender, as girls tend to develop faster than boys in my experience. When they play one-on-one I never really notice or think about his delays.

As a mother with a child who has developmental differences all social situations (I am learning) with his peers is difficult for ME. I do not notice the delays or deficits in our day-to-day lives as he goes about his business, plays and learns in his own environment and at his own pace. Yesterday I had a reality check. Alongside his peers his delays were very pronounced and heart wrenching to me. I know we are not supposed to compare our children with others but we do ... we ALL DO! 

I thought it best to speak with the teacher and inform her that Blake has Down Syndrome. Her immediate response, which I feel well intentioned, was to give me an option to switch him into the 1-2 year old class. I immediately declined and vowed to myself to gut this out no matter how difficult I perceived it to be. I had committed to be there and instantly felt trapped. I watched the clock tick by, each moment feeling like an eternity. Blake played and ran about the room with pure joy, discovering everything he could, at least he was enjoying himself I thought. It made no sense to me to take him back a year in the program. It was counter intuitive that he would learn to speak or expand his expressive language skills being surrounded by those who still babble. I feel he needs to be with his peers and learn from them. I panicked as the foreshadowing of his academic life flashed before my eyes. Is this where my advocacy role for my son and his education begins? The thought in that moment was exhausting.

After "circle time" where I knew only two songs, yard time where Blake was pushed around, out run for toys, out climbed and out talked by the all other children, and the sign up board for adult mommy snack I decided to make my escape 10 minutes early. The walls had closed in, the staring became unbearable so we quietly slipped out the door to race home for Blake's regularly scheduled occupational therapy session manic Monday style.

I am not the type of mother that enjoys socially contrived, phony atmospheres with women whom I have nothing in common with other than a vagina. I don't give a shit about circle time songs or snack for the mom's. It's just not my thing I guess. As mothers we must sacrifice our personal enjoyment for the sake and benefit of our children, right?

The REASON I joined the program is for my son to be exposed to his peers, those of the same age. I want him to be able to play, learn and grow. I also want him to be exposed to others who have other skill sets than he so he is able to acquire them or at least gain exposure to them.

After much reflection yesterday I realized that I had set the trap for myself. With my past experience and my personal adult annoyance with situations like this clouding my judgement I let all of the negative aspects get to me. I usually always look for the silver lining but in a room full of 'normal' or 'un-delayed' children, which is the parental equivalent of the oxygen being sucked out of the space, it overwhelmed me.

What will I do? 

I will free myself from the trap by doing the following:

1) Sticking with the program of his peers (two year old's) and seeing through my commitment.

2) Choosing 3 positive things from each session to reflect on.

3) Being cognizant that this is BLAKE'S time.

4) Realize that Blake will take what he needs from this experience at HIS own pace.

5) Educate every single person in that room about Down Syndrome and how proud I am of my son.

Have you fallen into a Participation Trap with a program? school? or social situation with your child?

Share your experiences below.

A World DS Celebration!

Today is World Down Syndrome Day ~ Cleverly selected on March 21 (3:21) as to represent the 3 copies of the 21st chromosome! 21 March 2012 marks the 7th anniversary of World Down Syndrome Day and for the first time TODAY will be officially observed by the United Nations.

The most important message of today is that people with Down Syndrome are more alike than they are different. They deserve the same respect, opportunities and celebration of their uniqueness in the same manner that each and every other unique human being does.

You can read our story HERE Posted on our friend Tori's blog EdiTORIAL from October's Down Syndrome Awareness Month!! Tori's Down with inclusion and acceptance! xo

I feel that the best we can do to promote acceptance and tolerance is to PRACTICE IT in our daily lives. My 4 year old watches and listens to EVERYTHING and takes her cues from what I model for her. She likes what I like or approve of and "dislikes" what I have an adverse reaction to (ex: Spiders). Educate yourself about the world around you. Not just people with DS but humanity in general. Different races and customs, religions, developmental disabilities, and MORE. We live in an amazingly diverse world that is ripe for discovery. I don't have the naive expectation that we will accept EVERYTHING that this diverse world has to offer but we can all RESPECT it and acknowledge each others differences as just that, Different .. not WRONG. I for one am happy when I am faced with something unique or set apart from what I call the "Herd Mentality".

Words cannot convey how my life has changed over the last 10 months. The evolution and growth has been astonishing to me and all thanks to a little boy with a little something extra! I know Blake will continue to be my greatest teacher and I look forward to all of life's adventures with him and our family.

How will you teach your children? your friends or family? about tolerance, acceptance and LOVE?

How will you CELEBRATE diversity today and all days?

Visit World Down Syndrome Day Page & Support the National Down Syndrome Society

Check out my fried Kelle's Blog & her NEW BOOK BLOOM!

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