We Awake Anew: 2015

The first day of a new year is always a reflective day. A day of introspection about how far you have come and how far you still have to go. There is something about this time of year that is inspiring and motivating too. Some say a clean slate or tabula rasa if you will. On a smaller scale each day this this. It's a new opportunity, a clean slate to re-direct or simply be available to live in the moment.

Some people think this notion is bullshit, trendy or maybe unattainable. I feel like a new year is a great time to start this practice. I have realized the uselessness of resolutions. I cannot plan or anticipate what I will be doing next week, let along next November. I can only try each day to be present and enjoy the day I am experiencing, as life has not promised me another.

Dr. Wayne Dyer lists 10 items to help you become and stay present or in his words, live in the NOW:

1. Remember that habits are changed by practicing new behavior. By practicing new thinking every five minutes, you’ll soon begin to master the art of present-moment living.

2. Do an honest assessment of your “problems.” You’ll very likely discover that almost all of your problems are really in your head and not located in reality.

3. Take time to be mindful of everything around you. Begin to look at your entire surroundings in a new light. Observe every detail on every face, every building and every object. If you do this often enough it will become a habit that will facilitate your being alive in every moment of the year.

4. Change your attitude. Begin an attitude-redevelopment plan. That means practice enjoying everything you do.

5. Be specific about what you want and take action. Decide on one thing that you would like to work on and do it today. Work at it daily, rather than making it a long-range objective.

6. Create a self-improvement agenda for yourself. Put on your agenda whatever activities you’ve always thought about but never had time to do. Do them now.

7. Rid yourself of mundane chores that are not really that important. Spend more time making your life a pleasure.

8. Eliminate procrastination as a lifestyle. Instead of talking to yourself about what you are going to do next week or even tomorrow, use this time to start a new task.

9. Don’t give up control of your life to others. You cannot enjoy the present moment if you are busy trying to make everyone else like you. People respect you more when you operate from a position of strength and self-reliance.

10. Feel good about yourself. You are a magnificent human being. Always feel good about that self that you are always with.

Enjoy EVERY Moment of 2015!!

Brighter Days Ahead

Alice in Wonderland: Rear View. As seen by me 12/3/14

Central Park. New York, NY

Greetings my dear reader and digital strangers.  My blog has been dark for a while due to an overwhelming schedule with my children, travel, and a fashion adventure or two.

With only 3 days left in 2014 I. AM. BACK. I somehow got caught up in a life vortex and fell down the proverbial rabbit hole that left little time for sleep let alone one of my personal passions, writing.

Alice in Wonderland & me 12/3/14

Central Park. New York, NY

I am looking forward to brighter days ahead where I prioritize more things in my life that I take pleasure from, writing being at the top of the list. This is not to say that my family obligations, the holidays and travel have been dark or anything short of AMAZING. They have all been life changing, glorious and then some but I just feel the serious need to illuminate my own personal space with the things that I enjoy doing for myself. I constantly preach to anyone who will listen about the importance of self love and self care, two seemingly unattainable items in the life of a busy woman but I am here to tell you that they can be attained if you are organized, sadly something that I am currently working on and have yet to master. I have periodic moments when self-care is the program but as anyone with little children can attest they are the priority and 'my' time is few and far between.  When I get it I am usually to exhausted to maximize it's potential. I come third sometimes but with  two bio, two step children and a husband who I adore I am usually sixth or so. I gladly take this place in line and enjoy caring for everyone but it is time that I carve out pieces of my day that are totally devoted to MOI. My husband is a great support and help but I periodically loose myself in the service of others and feel that it's time to come up for air, compose myself and attempt to get organized. We can do it ALL, right? A looming new year always motivates me and shines a light on my habitually unorganized ways.

I am preparing a New Year's Eve activity for my family in the hopes of staying focused this year.  I am not a linear thinker and a total child of chaos theory. This visualization technique I hope will help me as I cannot follow lists, or carry out tasks for myself  in any order at all. As I type this I can picture the synchronized eye roll about goal setting for 2015. Like the diet I will be on until January 4th and then go back to carbs and copious amounts of champagne.

This is something different.

I'm creating a 2015 GOAL JAR. All of my goals will be written on colorful note papers and placed in the jar. The beauty of it is no expectations for a 'completion date', order or timeline so long as the jar is empty by years end. Once a goal is complete it can be removed from the jar, tossed, pressed in a book or pinned to a 'dream board'. There will be a master list of course but having this jar 'staring' at me with it's brightly colored goal's will serve as the ultimate reminder of the promises I am making to myself. At year's end I will be able to see my progress or the lack thereof.

Wish me luck. Brighter days ahead for us all ...

Kind Math

I'm trying to start a new routine in 2014, which includes writing more regularly.  I saw this online during the transition between Christmas and New Years and it got me thinking about 'kind math'

1 act of kindness a day + 1 person = A life changed/enhanced 365 times

That life potentially effects DOZENS of other lives so technically your kindness could multiply into the enhancement of others lives far beyond your direct contact or reach.

1 act of kindness + 1 person = 365 lives changed

1 life change + 12 family/friends = 13 people effected X 365 = 4380 lives.

So on and so forth. Imagine then that you had the time or the desire to participate in two or more acts of kindness, per day, all year.

The moral of my mathematical story is that we are ALL capable of enhancing each others lives or even changing them. We don't have to know each other to do so either, so be kind for kindness sake.  You can see how far reaching your reward may be. As a little kindness goes a long way, do the math.

Self Love: A Solid Foundation

The new year means a clean slate or in Latin a Tabula Rasa. You have a chance to "turn it all around" , start the projects you have always wanted to start and a chance to make the best resolution: Self Love. Self love and a positive self concept creates the solid foundation for everything else in your life.  It seems easy enough, right? In my personal experience it is one of the toughest journeys in life.  Self examination, accountability and brutal honesty, especially about yourself can be very challenging. Acceptance is also a tough one. Don't confuse self care with selfishness. We ALL deserve to be loved, by ourselves first and foremost. But don't expect others to do what you are not prepared to do.  

My friend, actress, author and all around hilarious chick, Kristen Johnson posted about this very thing recently. I wanted to share her insight and experience:

Image: InterviewMag Online

"Someone just wrote me that their New Year's resolution was "No more self-hate. No more wishing I was someone else. This year, I want to learn how to love myself, for the very first time."

Shiver me timbers, I don't think there's ever been a better, more meaningful & truly gorgeous New Years Resolution in the HISTORY of Resolutions.

As someone who's spent an enormous part of her life hating herself, and thankfully no longer does, I wanted to share a few tips that helped me stop my cycle of self-hatred.

(NOTE: If a huge part of your esteem issues is because you're using drugs, booze, sex, food, self-harm, etc.....we both know you gotta navigate that issue first.

and for me, that was a HUGE part of how I felt about myself. But it wasn't everything.)

Here's what people don't realize....you can CHOOSE to love yourself. Even your fat ass or your weird nose or your shyness or sexuality or weight or lisp.

Okay?

Now, if you've got a handle on your addiction, and you still think you suck?

Here are a few tips from a clueless non-professional:

1. No more negative self-talk. 

When you constantly say "I'm such an idiot" or "God, I suck" or "I'm so hideous"....the nightmare is, you begin to believe it. And it begins to become true.

Sometimes I think about how I used to talk to myself. Like, if I forgot my Keys, I would say "You're such a stupid cunt." TO MYSELF. YIKES.

Most people don't even realize they do it.

2. DE-TOXIFY...If you have toxic relationships in your life, get rid of 'em. (Excluding family, I'll address in a second.) 

A healthy relationship should make you feel like the best version of yourself. You should feel safe, not judged & not "less than."

For most of my life, I was addicted to having toxic female friends. If they bullied me, manipulated me, made me feel stupid & ugly, I ADORED THEM.

Especially deeply unhappy, insecure women who were consumed with jealousy (and in one case, flat-out hatred) towards me. I grew used to having "friends" who would gossip about me to people.

Oh, and they adored inserting wedges into my other, healthy relationships by subtly, almost off-handedly, mentioning slanderous lies my friend never said.

I have a feeling this will sound familiar.

You ask "Well what should I DO, Dr. KJo?"

My very lofty, $300-an-hour answer?

END THIS FRIENDSHIP. NOT TOMORROW. An email works.

"After a great deal of thought, I realized that having you in my life is very unhealthy for me. It takes two to tango, and I accept half the blame for this toxic relationship.

I think it's best if we take a break. I wish you nothing but the best in 2013!"

And every email response? DELETE.

3. If you have a toxic family member (and if you don't, what the hell are you even doing on this page? Go! Leave while there's still time!):

Let's say you have a fucked up family member. Lets say this person is addicted to drama, or is a narcissist, or is oh-so-midly fucktarded ?

Someone who, for whatever reason, you have to deal with on a regular basis. This is a person immune to all attempts to honestly address their icki-ness.

If you can't extricate yourself from their life, you can deal with them in a way that won't drive you batty:

(It sounds simple, but believe me, it's not):

YOU can change the way you react to THEM!

It's the only thing you have control over. So, let's say your dad likes to get drunk at family functions & decides to begin telling everyone what a stupid loser you are.

You usually laugh, or cry, or get angry, or drink or use drugs or cut.

Instead, what if you said "Dad, if you say one more negative thing about me, I'll have no choice but to leave."

"Oh, look who thinks she's so high faluuuuu...hey! (burp) where ya goin?"

"Good night everyone! I love you guys, just not dad when he's drunk."

And drive home with a smile, imagining your dad getting all the shit for once.

Or, lets say you have a passive-aggressive mother who hyper-judges you constantly?

Pull back, stop revealing things to her, instead email her once a week cheerful, full of shit, brief little notes.

My point being, you can CHOOSE how someone makes you feel. You CAN have the power back, simply by changing how you navigate things.

These are just a few VERY difficult things I learned.

Hope they help!

Love & kisses in the new year

KJo, M.D.

(Read her book GUTS - paperback edition with new introduction Avail Jan 22)

2012: Bring It On

Another year is upon us, ripe with possibility and promise. Are you and your perspective ready? I truly believe our happiness and level of personal success is directly correlated with our perspectives and attitudes. It is less about WHAT happens to us or what we experience and more about how we perceive it and what attitude we adapt.

I personally perceive 2012 as a grand opportunity. Some people that I have talked to are happy to see 2011 go and are not very optimistic about what lies ahead for them (more stress, etc).

The most positive thing about the dawning of a new day is the chance to turn your perspective and consequently your life around. CHEERS to that!



How I'm going to prepare for the New Year:

* Set realistic goals and expectations for 2012 so as to not set myself up for failure or disappointment.

* One Day At A Time - it is great to look down the road to see what is ahead but I want to work harder to be more "present" and enjoy each day as it is presented.

* Put myself back "on the list" - I cannot be a good mother, wife or business person if there is little or no time for SELF CARE.


May 2012 bring EACH of you LOVE and TRUE HAPPINESS. May you work to realize your goals and dreams no matter how big or small. Bring it on 2012!!! I know you have a lot of excitement in store for us all.

Happy New Year and thank you for your continued support of Evolution Revolution!! I look forward to providing some amazing content in the new year and BEYOND!

Lisa

XO